Toddler sleep is one of those things that I feel like doesn’t get talked about enough. Baby sleep? That’s covered—there are endless resources on wake windows, sleep regressions, and the best white noise machines. But toddler sleep? It seems like no one's really talking a lot about it.
I mean… The stalling tactics. The sudden, urgent thirst that requires a specific glass of water. The deep, philosophical questions that only seem to come up at bedtime. And speaking of bedtime, even if you have a schedule, toddler life doesn’t always allow for it to be set in stone. Raising both hands here—because between both kids’ schools, the amount I have on all my plates, last summer’s weeks of travel (and the weeks of travel coming up this summer), daylight savings, and the general unpredictability of life, some nights feel like a toss-up.
I feel like I’m not alone in saying that toddler sleep can be rough. It’s like baby sleep, but now with verbalized opinions. And lots of them.
So, if bedtime at your house feels like a never-ending saga, trust me — you’re not the only one. But the good news? There are ways to make it easier.
Let’s break down why toddler bedtime takes forever — and what you can do to help your little one settle in.
Why is it taking so long for my toddler to fall asleep?
I’m no sleep expert, but I am an expert in diving into research and sounding the alarm in my mom group text. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from both? Toddler bedtime struggles are so common.
Some of my mom friends have been there and made it to the other side. Others are right in the trenches with me, texting in real-time about their kid’s third trip out of bed for “one last” stuffed animal to add to the slumber party. Between what we’ve shared and what I’ve uncovered in my deep dive, there are plenty of reasons bedtime might be dragging on forever.
And as long as there aren’t any major red flags that call for a chat with your pediatrician or a sleep specialist, these bedtime battles tend to come down to some pretty typical causes.
Common reasons toddler bedtime takes forever
- Not tired enough – Their nap was too long, too late, or their bedtime is just too early.
- Overtired meltdown mode – The flip side: they needed that nap, but skipped it, and now they’re too wired to settle.
- Separation anxiety – Overnight sleep = being away from you, and they’re not a fan of that right now.
- Too much stimulation before bed – Screens or too many lights keeping their brains wired.
- Not enough rough play before bed – Some toddlers thrive with more roughhousing before bed (think running around outside, pushing cushions around, wheelbarrow walking, etc.)
- Not enough calming vibes before bed – It can help to set the tone with low lights, a calming bath, gentle massage, and reading books.
- They’re testing boundaries – Because toddlers. If they sense flexibility with anything (eating veggies, potty training, etc) they will push.
- FOMO – Yes, good ol’ fear of missing out. They want to be where the action is—especially if they have older siblings still awake.
- Daytime connection deficit – If they’ve been away from you all day, they might use bedtime to get in those extra snuggles and chats.
- They need more independence – Some toddlers fight bedtime because they want more control over their routine.
How to support your toddler at bedtime
Every toddler is different, and you know your little one better than anyone else.
Maybe they’re the type to need extra rough play to get that energy output before bed, or maybe they thrive on routine but lately their schedule has been all over the map. Other things like making a big transition, such as moving them to a toddler bed, can feel surprising when it throws them off more than you expected.
The thing is, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution here, but there are plenty of strategies to troubleshoot your toddler’s bedtime routine. Keep in mind, from my experience, it helps when I remind myself it’s an evolving process. This means something that works one month might need a tweak the next. But with these strategies, you can stay flexible, observe what works, and adjust as needed to make this time a little smoother for everyone.
Play around with their schedule
For a while, both my kids had a solid routine—consistent naps, predictable bedtime, everything just worked. Then suddenly, as my son got older, bedtime started feeling like a huge struggle and taking such a long time. He wasn’t tired, or at least, he acted like he wasn’t. Playing around with his schedule helped a lot.
Here are a few things to try:
- If they’re still napping, try capping the nap or ending it earlier to build more sleep pressure for bedtime.
- Move the timing a little later to see if they fall asleep faster.
- Try both! Shift the nap slightly and push bedtime back to see if that combo creates a sweet spot.
- Watch for signs of fatigue and overtiredness—sometimes, an earlier time for bed actually helps if they’re fighting sleep.
- Keep wake windows in mind—too much or too little daytime sleep can throw things off.
Implement a simple pre-bedtime routine
We’re a busy family, so I’m not going to suggest some rigid, 30-minute, do-the-same-thing-every-night bedtime routine. If that works for you, amazing! But for us, it’s more of a bedtime rhythm than a fixed schedule.
Our evenings look something like this:
- Playtime (bonus points if we can get outside for one last round of fresh air)
- Dinner
- Warm bath with low lighting
- Books, milk, and a bedtime snack
- My daughter goes to bed
- Another snack for my son, some extra one-on-one time
- Then his bedtime (as we slowly work to minimize his stall tactics—in it with you, moms!)
Honestly, I found the key is keeping the steps consistent so your toddler knows what to expect, even if the timing flexes a little each night. My mom friends all agree, so I know we’re on to something.
Add some independence at bedtime
This is huge for both my kids—especially my son as he’s gotten older. Since toddlers have lots of opinions, giving them some say in the bedtime process can help things go smoother and give them the sense of control they crave, without delaying the whole process any further.
A few simple ways to let them make choices:
- Pick out books – Try to limit the number (I find two each works well!).
- Choose their pajamas – Let them decide, and if possible, stick with the same set for a few nights to avoid a drawn-out debate every evening.
- Select a song or lullaby – Whether it’s a soft music playlist, sound machine setting, or a favorite song you sing together.
- Decide between two options – If making decisions is hard, keep it simple: “Do you want your teddy bear or doll?” This helps avoid endless back and forth while still giving them some choice in the routine.
Deal with common bedtime stall tactics
Firm but loving, consistent boundaries really matter here. Toddlers have a sixth sense for when you're about to give in, and if it’s a yes just one time (which is tempting at the end of the day, I get it), expect them to remember (and hold you to it forever).
If you have deal-breakers—like only one snack before bed or so much time in the tub—stick with them. Say yes to one more snack, but that’s it. Set a five-minute timer and hold firm when it goes off.
It can be hard, but this is the age when kids are learning about boundaries and testing how they work. The more consistent you are, the more predictable bedtime becomes for them (and the fewer negotiations you'll have to endure).
What to have on hand for a peaceful night
Just like we have our own sleep essentials—our favorite pajama set, slathering on nighttime skincare, an eye mask before crawling under the covers—having a few comforts can help make toddler bedtime smoother, too. Here are a few go-tos that can help make a calming environment for easier nights.
Essential items for a calm bedtime routine
- Magnesium lotion – A little before bed on the feet or tummy can be a calming part of the routine.
- White noise machine – A must-have, IMO. Helps drown out household noise and keeps sleep more consistent.
- Loveys or special comfort items – A favorite stuffed animal or blanket.
- Hiya Bedtime Essentials Vitamins – We use and love! Vitamins made for kids to support healthy sleep with natural ingredients.
- A cozy nightlight – Something warm and dim (red or amber light is best).
- Breathable, comfy pajamas – Soft, temperature-regulating fabrics can make a big difference.
- A bedtime book stash – Having a few set books or rotating what you have out allows for your toddler to choose but helps limit decision fatigue.
- A simple water bottle – Cuts down on those trips back to the kitchen for any sudden thirst emergencies after lights out.
Yep, toddler sleep can be pretty nuanced. But I also always remind myself—it’s a phase, and they're not trying to give us a hard time, they're figuring it all out, bedtime skills included. I know someday I’ll look back on these moments and actually miss things, like resettling my son 14 times a night. But when you’re in it? 14 times is 13 times too many.
So, give yourself some grace and be sure to schedule in some self-care just for you. And I promise, finding a smoother bedtime rhythm will happen, just like getting them to stay in their toddler bed eventually will happen. Toddler bedtime chaos includes so many moms nodding along knowingly—so just know that you’re in good company as you tweak and add a few things to your nightly routine.
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