Hiring an au pair completely changed how our family functions—and in this episode, I’m sharing exactly how and why.
Whether you’re a working parent looking for more flexible childcare, a dual-career couple juggling inconsistent schedules, or just curious about how the au pair system compares to traditional nannies, this is a must-listen. In this mini-episode of our Toolkit Series, I share my candid experience with four different au pairs (and two nannies) and break down the real-life pros, cons, and logistics you actually need to know.
You’ll also hear exclusive insights from Samantha Wu, CMO of Eventbrite and former CMO of Facebook at Meta, who shares her own au pair experiences and wisdom from life as a high-powered executive and mom of two. If you've ever wondered whether an au pair could transform the way your family operates, this conversation offers the clarity, structure, and gut-check questions you need.
👶 What an au pair is—and why it might be a better fit than daycare or a nanny
If you’re not familiar with the concept of an au pair, this episode kicks off with a helpful overview. I explain what sets au pairs apart from other childcare options, including their role, responsibilities, and the cultural exchange aspect that can enrich your family dynamic.
“An au pair is a young person, usually a girl between the ages of 18 and 27 from another country who lives with your family and helps take care of your kids. In exchange, you give them a place to stay, meals and money. It’s kind of like having a nanny who is also a roommate and also part of your family.” -Barbara Mighdoll
💸 The real cost of hiring an au pair, broken down line by line
One of the biggest misconceptions about au pairs is that they’re prohibitively expensive. I get into the numbers, sharing what I actually spend annually and what that includes—from agency fees to food and gas.
“An au pair all-in costs about $30,000—and that’s annually, including what you pay the agency, what you pay the au pair, car gas, cell phone, extra food… all of those external costs. Compare that to a full-time nanny in San Francisco, where you’re lucky to find someone for $30 an hour. Many go up to $40–$45 an hour, which is significantly more annually.” -Barbara Mighdoll
🛫 Why au pairs are ideal for flexible, travel-heavy lifestyles
If your family thrives on travel or if you have a demanding, inconsistent work schedule, an au pair can offer the kind of support that simply isn’t possible with traditional 9-to-5 care. I share how my au pair traveled with my family internationally—and how that flexibility brought peace of mind.
“We love, love, love the flexibility that an au pair brings… Our au pair went with us for all nine weeks to Portugal last summer. If you’re someone who needs split schedules, weekend help, or support while traveling, this is one of the biggest benefits. Even when last-minute things come up, our au pairs have been more than willing to adjust.” -Barbara Mighdoll
🏠 How to evaluate if your family is truly ready to live with childcare
This episode doesn’t just focus on the logistics—it helps you reflect on whether this lifestyle actually suits your household. I walk through a partner workshop to help you figure out if you’re truly ready to have someone living in your home and sharing space.
“You need to be very honest with yourself and so does your husband on what you want out of a roommate because this person is going to be living with you. What do your weekends look like? Are they joining you? Are you expecting them to be fully integrated into family life—or more independent? These are the conversations you need to have upfront.” -Barbara Mighdoll
🧠 What makes an au pair relationship work—and where it can fall apart
Samantha Wu joins the conversation to talk about what really makes this kind of relationship work—spoiler alert: it’s a lot like onboarding a new team member at work. From communication to training, mutual expectations are key to long-term success.
“They’re not a professional nanny… You are inviting a young person into your home who is in many ways a kid. You have to mother them and train them as such to be part of your household. The thing you have to understand is that what you get is what you invest. You need to set them up for success by communicating regularly and making them feel like part of the family.” -Samantha Wu, CMO of Eventbrite
Whether you’re ready to search for your first au pair or just starting to explore your childcare options, this episode is packed with honest advice, practical tools, and thoughtful reflection. Listen now and take the first step toward simplifying the chaos of career and motherhood—one tool at a time.
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[00:00:00] Hi everyone. Welcome to the toolkit series from the new Modern Mom podcast. I am thrilled to bring you this bonus series in between seasons. Each episode will be a quick, actionable deep dive into some of the most important themes from season one. Plus we'll explore a few niche conversations that didn't quite make the final cut, but are just too good not to share. [00:00:18] My goal is to help you build the tools you need so they're ready and waiting in your toolkit, the ones you're going to reach for to calm the chaos of career and motherhood. [00:00:27] So today we are going to be listening to an unreleased clip from my conversation with Samantha Wu, who's now the CMO of Eventbrite. [00:00:34] She was the former CMO of the Facebook app at Meta, and my former CMO that I worked for at my last company, she's also a mom of two. And we are going to be talking about one of the biggest things I get asked about all the time, which is having an au pair. So let's just start. [00:00:52] With explaining what is an au pair? An au pair is a young person, usually a girl between the ages of 18 and 27 [00:01:00] from another country who lives with your family and helps take care of your kids. In exchange, you give them a place to stay, meals and money. It's kind of like having a nanny who is also a roommate and also part of your family. [00:01:12] They can work up to 45 hours a week, no more than 10 hours in a day. They can only be tasked with household responsibilities related to the children, meaning they cannot do laundry. They don't cook, they don't clean, they don't do anything really for you unless it's kind of a household family chore, like unloading the dishwasher. [00:01:32] As you quickly realize in motherhood, childcare needs are always evolving, whether it's the fact that you have an infant or you are going from the infant to toddler stage or to the preschooler stage, to the elementary school age or even middle school. All of those have different requirements for childcare. [00:01:49] So I really love the au pair program. I have had. Four different au pairs, I've also had two nannies as well, so I really understand the differences, the pros and cons [00:02:00] of each form of childcare. [00:02:01] I cannot imagine our lives functioning the way that they do without having an au pair when our kids have been this young. And we are a dual career, dual working parent household. Here are the three reasons this works well for our family. [00:02:15] The first reason is economics. It is very economical to have an au pair compared to a full-time nanny An au pair all in costs, about $30,000 and that's $30,000 annually, including what you pay the agency, what you pay, the AU pair, all of those external costs around car gas, paying for cell phone, paying for extra food, anything else related to the additional cost of having a family member also living in your home. [00:02:41] Now, compare 30 K for 45 hours. A week to what you may be paying a full-time nanny, which in San Francisco you're lucky to find somebody for as low as $30 an hour. Many go all the way up to 40 to $45 an hour, which is significantly more on an annual salary basis. The next [00:03:00] reason, and this is why I stress for our current. [00:03:02] Situation with how we are working, traveling a lot. We love, love, love the flexibility that an au pair brings in terms of the hours and weekly schedule adjustments that can be accommodated. We love that they can travel with you. Our au pair went with us for all nine weeks to Portugal last summer, which if you haven't listened to that episode, all about our experience and how we made that happen. [00:03:27] You definitely should. [00:03:28] But flexibility may be very important to you. Depending on your life circumstances, you may be interested in somebody who can work a split schedule, who can do morning, drop off, take the day off, and then do school pickup and after school activities later in the afternoon. You yourself may travel a lot. [00:03:43] You may be a family that loves to travel and needs the extra support while you're traveling. Or you may have frequent schedule changes. Maybe you often have late night dinners. Maybe some days are more flexible and you can spend the day doing. [00:03:56] School drop off and doing school pickup, but need help in the evenings. Maybe you [00:04:00] need weekend support. Sometimes maybe you work in a hospital, and so your schedule changes every week. So those are the flexibility options that really having an au pair gives you versus when you typically have a nanny, it's a bit more on a stringent schedule. [00:04:13] The last is the reliability. They live with you, so their ability to be late showing up for work is very rare. Their ability to not be able to show up for the day for work is very rare. So we have just really enjoyed having a reliable person within our household. Even if something very last minute comes up, like we need a few extra hours here or there, usually our repairs are more than willing to adjust and be flexible and jump in at a last minute request if needed. [00:04:42] [00:04:42] Now it's not all rainbows and sunshine. In the au pair program, there are definitely some drawbacks and things that could be more difficult or challenging. The first and foremost is these. Au pairs are typically not trained childcare providers, meaning they may have several hours working with children. [00:04:59] Maybe [00:05:00] they were a nanny for a brief period of time. Maybe they worked in a daycare. Oftentimes though their childcare hours that got them qualified to be an au pair are often kind of ad hoc babysitting, not being a full-time childcare provider. So there's definitely a learning curve involved with that. [00:05:16] Perhaps the biggest drawback for most people is the fact that they live with you. You have a roommate when you have an au pair, and that's just something you have to be prepared for. The other drawback and challenge is you have a really interesting relationship. You kind of toggle between employer, parent, friend, and oftentimes if you don't have phenomenal communication, that can get really tricky to navigate. [00:05:39] Another drawback is it's temporary. These au pairs can only stay in the US for a maximum of two years, and after the first year, if they are not in love with your family or in love with your location to switch families. So the maximum you could ever have a single au pair is two years. [00:05:55] It's important to remember that it is a temporary childcare [00:06:00] situation, and the recruiting process is not fun. You have to really have your onboarding dialed in. And the fact that it is just a two year stint can be really disheartening and difficult for both you and your kids. [00:06:13] And of course, you may pair with an au pair. They arrive and it doesn't work out. And then you'll need to find an alternative very, very fast. It's very competitive. Once au pairs are here and they're in the rematch process to find somebody who is readily available and can start immediately, you often have to make some concessions to some of your house rules or schedule requirements to find somebody at the drop of a second. [00:06:37] And then, as I mentioned, the recruiting and matching process is. Very grueling. It is not an enjoyable experience to be quite honest. You have to have your profile set up and then go through a lot of conversations, a lot of vetting, a lot of reading of profiles to find the right fit for your family. [00:06:55] Sam and I really bonded when she was my boss. About the fact that we [00:07:00] both had au pairs. It was something that we really liked to talk about and compare notes on, and I wanted to revisit her conversation [00:07:07] From our original recording on this topic. because her advice is so wise and her approach to this program is so unique that it is absolutely worth re-listening to if you are considering getting an au pair. [00:07:20] So let's listen in. [00:07:21] You have an au pair. I have an au pair. I love this program and this system, and I know a lot of our listeners are curious about AU pairs. Like they don't know enough about it. They don't understand why, but I use an au pair. [00:07:33] So I'm curious, like why did you deliberately choose to go the au pair out versus finding a nanny? [00:07:39] Well, I think I, I think it's kind of a stage of life for your kids, right? Like we kind of evolved from live-in nannies to the au pair system. [00:07:48] And I think part of it was a, the kids were older and so we just needed a different kind of care and we wanted someone who could be more active and be with the kids. Someone who could be more of like a role model [00:08:00] and friend to our children. We also love the idea of just bringing like different cultures into our home. [00:08:06] And quite frankly, the AU pair program is just, you know, economically a lot more feasible and. And you know, you have them and they work for you for 45 hours a week. And so it gives you a lot more flexibility in the mornings and the evenings and you know, if you choose to have them work on the weekends so that it just helps you, especially if you have two working parents, it just helps you have a little bit more balance in your life. [00:08:30] So that's why we went to the au pair system and I, and I think, you know. People have, you know, our, we have many friends who've had au pairs with varying levels of, you know, kind of success. For the most part. We've loved the program and we've had wonderful au pairs, but I think with any, anything like, whether it's in the work environment or at home. [00:08:53] What you get is what you invest, right? And I think the thing you have to understand about an au pair is they're not a [00:09:00] nanny, right? In the sense of they're not a professional nanny. [00:09:03] They're not older, it's not like they've been trained. It's not like they really understand how to take care of children, right? You are inviting a young person into your home who is in many ways a kid, and so you have to. You have to mother them and train them as such to be part of your household. And, you know, I have my set of like tips and tricks and filters I look for based on what works for my family. [00:09:27] But I often hear folks who don't have great experiences with their au pairs. And part of it is because they're not setting them up for success. They're not, they, they're not having like setting clear expectations around the household or making them feel part of the family or communicating regularly on what's. [00:09:42] Working and working with them to help solve like whatever's happening with the kid. Right. And I think to expect, you know, like a 20-year-old to know all the answers is just really naive, right? And so we've been super successful with the program. All of our au pairs are [00:10:00] really part of our life and we keep in touch with them. [00:10:02] And I think it's been very enriching for our kids. So. I highly recommend the program, but I think you have to invest in finding the right candidate and onboarding the right candidate. Yeah, it's, it's not too different than bringing on a new team member at work, right? Like you need to set them up for success and Yeah. [00:10:21] I think one of my biggest takeaways from the program when I tell people who are thinking about it is like, you need to be. Very honest with yourself and so does your husband on like what you want out of a roommate because this person is going to be living with you. And I think that's what scares people the most. [00:10:38] But I think you make such a good point, right? Which is these are not professional nannies and so like a lot of training, like you have to invest a lot upfront to make the relationship work and to build that trust. And I think it like, to your point, it's a great option for two working parents, especially like if you work strange hours because. [00:10:54] You can kind of flex up or flex down the schedule or change and shift schedules like as needed [00:11:00] personally. Like we bring ours with us on vacation and when we go up to our house in Tahoe and like we just have that flexibility now, which allows us to like. Invest where we want in work, but also have reliable childcare on the side. [00:11:12] and I would say, the last thing I would say is when you are looking for an au pair and interviewing and screening them, you have to do the work, right? Like, you can't just be like, oh, that person will do. Right. Like I, I think you have to be really clear about do you want someone who's older? Do you want someone who. [00:11:28] Has had experience working with kids or maybe is one of many children, like, are there like certain cultures that you think might mesh better with the culture of your family? Right? Like all of those things, I think you have to have those conversations and be clear on what it is that I. Is the most important for you so that when you are actually looking for the au pair, you're finding, you know, a fit for your family as well as a fit for them in terms of what they're looking for as well. [00:11:54] Okay. So much good insight from that conversation. What you get is what you [00:12:00] invest. Love that. Couldn't agree more. I really like how she broke down the pros and cons of having an au pair in our chat. So if this kind of childcare sounds like something that. Could be a good fit for your family. I'm now going to walk you through a tangible tool that you can put safely away in your toolkit on this topic, and that is a workshop session for you and your partner to do together to evaluate if the au pair program is actually the right fit for you. [00:12:25] So the first conversation you need to have is. Just the foundation, do you actually fulfill the requirements to have an au pair, which means you have an extra room in your house? They don't need their own bathroom, but they do need their own room. And do you have an extra car if driving is going to be a responsibility of theirs also. [00:12:42] Are you okay? Capping at 45 hours a week and Okay. Capping at no more than 10 hours per day. Does that work for your schedule? If yes, a readiness test for you and your partner then follows, here are the questions to ask. Are you prepared to have a roommate go through different [00:13:00] roommate situations and questions and ask how you would handle it? [00:13:04] For example, you really love buying soda. Is that soda open for everybody or do you just want it to be for you? How would you feel if there was laundry left overnight in the laundry machine? These are just small things that you honestly forget when you no longer have a roommate that you need to think about how you would handle those situations. [00:13:24] Then you need to ask yourself, what do you want your weekends to look like? Do you want an additional person joining for your weekend activity? Are you interested in having your own life still and looking for somebody who is also looking for their own life? And then you need to go through what your house rules would be. [00:13:40] Will you have a curfew? Will they have any family chores? Will guests be allowed over? Can they use the car whenever they want? Can they take it wherever they want? Can they buy their own groceries? You also then need to define what you want in this relationship with your au pair. It could be something like a big sister for your kids and integrated into all of your [00:14:00] family moments. [00:14:00] Or you could be looking for somebody who is very independent. Ask yourself, do you want them to eat dinner with you every day? What are their expectations? If they're working during dinnertime, are they eating with you? Are they not eating? Talk through all of these scenarios. [00:14:12] The reason I stress this upfront is because the most important thing with having an au pair is communication and expectation setting. So if you don't know what your preferred communication and expectations are, then of course you're not gonna be able to tell them that. And absolutely. Where the points of failure occurs with most au pairs is the communication. [00:14:33] Then you need to talk through what are your other criteria if you need driving. How are you planning on vetting for driving? Do you have an age limitation? I do wanna debunk this myth that very young au pairs cannot be a good fit. We have had both 20-year-old au pairs as well as 26-year-old au pairs. [00:14:48] And yes, there is definitely a maturity difference, but you may find yourself, enjoying a younger au pairs. Ambition to be out of the house a lot and explore. So I wouldn't [00:15:00] necessarily limit yourself to an age younger than probably 21. Another very important factor is language and how fluent they are in English. [00:15:07] Now, if you speak another language and you are hiring somebody that speaks that language, great. But I would not recommend hiring somebody who cannot. Communicate almost fluently with you because again, going back to communication and expectation setting, it is so important that you are constantly on the same page and you are able to explain your expectations and they understand them fully. [00:15:29] Lastly, how do you find an au pair? So you need to start looking through the different programs. We have used cultural care for every single one of our AU pairs. We have had a great experience working with our point of contact there, and a lot of our friends have ended up using the exact same service as well. [00:15:45] Outside of cultural care, there are a ton of other options. Au pair Care au pair in America, au pair usa au pair.com. Some specialize more in different regions like Europe versus Asia and some may have slightly different pay [00:16:00] requirements. So just do your research and I am going to plug my very last episode on how to best use chat GBTI encourage you, use that tool for this. [00:16:08] If you don't know how to get started Listen to my last episode. And then the last piece of this, which I get asked all the time for somebody who's about to embark on this journey is when do you start searching I would recommend to start searching at least three months in advance to give you the time, because again, that recruiting process is a bit grueling. [00:16:25] It is lengthy. It takes time to curate and find the right person. So at least three months in advance is ideal. But if you are in a bind, you can find somebody within a month. So just keep that in mind when you are starting to plan for childcare in the future. And then the last piece of this workshop is really thinking through your process for finding the right candidate. [00:16:45] You need to outline your step by step plan. Just like in the corporate world, you should go into an interview process with a clear plan. What are the steps? What are you vetting for in each stage? And who is involved? I documented my entire three step interview process on new modern [00:17:00] mom.com. I'll link it in the show notes. [00:17:01] I highly recommend reviewing it before you start your own interview process. And that my friends, is your workshop. You should be set to begin the process once you complete all of these steps. [00:17:12] All right. Thanks for tuning in to this toolkit series on the new Modern Mom podcast. I hope today's tips help simplify the chaos of career in motherhood one tool at a time. If you found this episode helpful, don't forget to subscribe. Give a five star rating and leave a review. My dms are open. Are you interested? [00:17:29] In having an au pair still, do you still have hesitations? How was your search going? Have you found your match? Let me know. You can always connect with me on LinkedIn. Follow new Modern Mom on Instagram and subscribe to my newsletter. Your support means so much as I continue my mission to help more moms find work life fulfillment. [00:17:46] Until next time.Author
