Au Pair vs Nanny: Finding the Best Fit for Your Family

As a mom of two and a business owner, I get it, figuring out childcare can feel like one of the biggest decisions you'll make. There are so many different ways to approach it, and at the end of the day, the most important thing is finding what works for your family. If you're here, maybe you've been strongly considering or are curious about the difference between an au pair vs nanny. If so, get ready to dive in!

If you’re leaning toward an in-home option that comes with some extra benefits you don’t typically get from childcare outside the house, then considering either an au pair or a nanny makes sense. Both are amazing choices. Over the years, we’ve hosted multiple au pairs and also relied on part-time nannies as part of our village. Each experience has taught us so much about what these roles can bring to a family and how different they can be depending on your needs.

So if you've ever asked yourself, “Should I get an au pair?” or “Should I get a nanny?” I’m covering everything you need to know to make the best decision for your family. Whether you’re looking for cultural exchange, specialized childcare skills, or just trying to make sense of the logistics and costs, it's all here.

This podcast episode is also a must listen for more on how hiring an au pair completely changed how my family functions.

Au pair vs nanny

Thinking about the au pair vs nanny pros and cons? I’ve been there! Both bring childcare right into your home, but the difference between an au pair and a nanny really comes down to the kind of support and relationship you’re looking for, budget, and your living situation and preferences. 

Maybe you love the idea of a cultural exchange and all the unique experiences an au pair can bring into your family’s world. Or perhaps you’re drawn to the expertise and flexibility that a nanny can offer. Both have so much to give, especially if you're a busy parent trying to figure out how to do it all (raises hand). You just need to really think about out what fits best with your family’s day-to-day life and what matters most to you.

What's the difference between an au pair and a nanny?

Au pairs and nannies can seem pretty similar since they both provide in-home childcare. But there are some major differences in how each arrangement works and also in what they offer for your family dynamic.

Here’s a breakdown to make things clearer: 

• An au pair is part of a cultural exchange
  Au pairs come from another country and join your family through a program. They provide childcare in exchange for room, board, and a weekly stipend.
• A nanny is a professional caregiver
  Nannies are hired as employees with a set salary and generally have experience, as well as some certifications or degrees, in child development and care. 
• Living situations
  Au pairs live with your family full-time as part of the experience. Nannies may either live in your home or commute, depending on the arrangement.
• Cost structure
  Au pairs come with program fees, a stipend, and covered living expenses. Nannies usually have a regular paycheck, and you might need to handle things like taxes and benefits.
• Time commitments
  Au pairs typically stay for one year, sometimes extending to two. Nannies can commit for shorter or longer periods, depending on your needs.

Defining the role of an au pair

An au pair is more than a caregiver. They’re part of a cultural exchange program designed to create a mutually enriching experience for both the host family and the au pair. Their role typically includes:

• Childcare focus: Au pairs assist with tasks like supervising playtime, helping with homework, preparing meals for the kids, and managing daily routines.
• Cultural exchange: Au pairs come from another country, often sharing their language, traditions, and culture with your family.
• Live-in arrangement: Au pairs live with your family, becoming a part of your household dynamic while also maintaining their independence during time off.
• Age and program requirements: Most au pairs are young adults (18-26) who participate in an official program with specific guidelines and visa requirements.
• Stipend-based payment: Au pairs receive a weekly stipend along with room and board as part of the arrangement.

Defining the role of a nanny

A nanny is a professional caregiver whose primary job is providing personalized, dedicated childcare for your family. Their role is tailored to meet your specific needs with a focus on:

• Childcare: Nannies take care of tasks like feeding, diaper changes, playtime, helping with schoolwork, and maintaining daily routines. They may also manage light housekeeping related to the children, like tidying play areas, cooking, and doing the kids’ laundry.
• Professional experience: Many nannies bring specialized childcare experience, and some may have certifications like CPR, first aid, or early childhood education degrees.
• Flexibility in living arrangements: Nannies can either live in your home or commute daily, giving you the option to choose what works best for your family.
• Employment-based structure: Nannies are hired directly as employees, with a set salary and agreed-upon benefits or perks, depending on your arrangement.
• Customizable schedule: Whether you need full-time, part-time, or even occasional overnight care, a nanny’s hours are typically designed to fit your family’s schedule.

Au pairs 

If you’ve ever thought about hosting an au pair, it’s an option I can’t recommend enough. Along with childcare, they bring cultural traditions and language exposure that make a real impact on your family. It’s a unique experience that builds connections and allows you all to share in something meaningful together. When you find a good match, they really do feel like a part of the family.

These are a few key things to know when it comes to au pairs and how this arrangement works.

Cultural exchange and language benefits 

One of the biggest advantages of hosting an au pair is the cultural exchange they bring to your family. Au pairs come from all over the world, bringing their unique traditions, perspectives, and ways of life into your home.

• Language exposure for your kids: Your children get the opportunity to hear and sometimes even learn a new language, which can be an incredible gift during their early development years.
• A broader worldview: Hosting an au pair introduces your family to a new culture with different customs, holidays, and ways of thinking, creating a richer, more diverse environment at home.
• Global connections and cultural immersion: Hosting an au pair creates lasting relationships while bringing new traditions and experiences into your home.

If you’re looking for more than just childcare and want to enrich your family’s experience in a meaningful way, the cultural exchange aspect of hosting an au pair is one of the most rewarding parts of the arrangement.

Legal and visa considerations

When hosting an au pair, there are specific legal and visa requirements you’ll need to follow. Working with an approved au pair agency will help to make sure everything is handled correctly. Here’s what you should know:

• Au pairs must enter through an official program: Au pairs in the U.S. participate in a government-regulated exchange program, which handles their J-1 visa application and is in compliance with program guidelines.
• Host families must meet certain criteria: As a host family, you’ll need to provide a private room for the au pair, meet minimum financial requirements, and complete a detailed application process.
• Program regulations define their role: Au pairs will work a certain number of hours per week, focused on childcare tasks. 
• There’s a specific duration of stay: Most au pairs stay for 12 months, sometimes with the option to extend for an additional 6, 9, or 12 months.

Education and training

Au pairs are not required to have formal childcare certifications, but most programs make sure they have basic training including CPR and first aid. Many au pairs also bring hands-on childcare experience, such as babysitting or working with children in their home country. While they may not have specialized training, their willingness to learn and adapt often makes them a great fit for family life.

Nannies

If you’re looking for a childcare option that’s fully tailored to your family’s needs, hiring a nanny might be that just-right fit for your family. Nannies are professional caregivers with the experience and flexibility to provide personalized support, whether you need full-time help or something more part-time. Unlike au pairs, nannies are typically local and offer a more employment-focused relationship, making them a smart choice for families prioritizing consistency and specific expertise.

Specialized skills and childcare experience

Nannies often have professional experience and training that make them highly skilled caregivers, which is a huge peace of mind as a parent. Their background can include a wide range of expertise tailored to your family’s needs.

• Extensive childcare experience: Many nannies have years of hands-on experience working with children of different ages, from infants to school-aged kids.
• Certifications: Nannies usually have certifications such as CPR, first aid, or early childhood education credentials.
• Infant care expertise: For families with babies, nannies may have specific knowledge in sleep support, feeding, or early developmental care.

Legal considerations

When hiring a nanny, there are some legal details to keep in mind to be sure everything is above board and everyone is protected. 

• Employment laws: Nannies are considered household employees, which means you’ll need to follow state and federal labor laws, including minimum wage and laws about overtime. 
• Taxes: You’re responsible for withholding and paying taxes for your nanny, often referred to as the “nanny tax.”
• Clear contract: A written agreement outlining duties, hours, pay, benefits, and time off ensures everyone is on the same page.
• Background checks: A background check is a must when hiring a nanny.
• Insurance considerations: Some families choose to add worker’s compensation or liability insurance to their household policies for extra protection.

Taking care of these legal steps helps create a smooth, professional arrangement while protecting both you and your nanny.

Au pair vs nanny costs and financial considerations

The cost of an au pair or nanny can vary widely depending on your unique situation. Several factors play a role in determining the total expense, including:

• Where you live
• Agencies you use
• Part-time vs. full-time care
• Additional benefits or perks 

Understanding these factors can help you better plan and budget for your family’s childcare needs.

Comparing pay and expenses 

When it comes to salary or weekly pay, the costs for an au pair and a nanny are structured differently:

• Au pair pay: Their stipend is usually set by the agency you work with, based on program guidelines. This makes it fairly straightforward to budget for.
• Nanny pay: Nannies don’t have standardized pay, so it’s important to research going rates in your area and offer competitive compensation.

In the Bay Area, a full time nanny can cost anywhere from $55,000-$70,000 annually. 

We have used Cultural Care for our au pairs and found that the cost was around $28,000 annually (including other factors beyond a weekly stipend like groceries, housing, and agency fees). 

Keep in mind, whoever you welcome into your life will be caring for your children. It’s hard, loving work that deserves fair and thoughtful pay.

Understanding what’s included in the cost

Au pair vs nanny cost is one of the biggest considerations. While the price tag for hiring a nanny or au pair is definitely high, it’s important to think about everything included in the care they provide. In-home childcare often goes beyond what’s typically offered outside the home, adding value to your family’s daily routine and easing your mental load, which IMO, is worth quite a lot. 

Here are some examples:

• They come to you: Since nannies and au pairs either live in your home or come to your house, there’s no added commute to worry about. If you’ve ever tried to get a toddler dressed, fed, and out the door, or soothe a baby while juggling a diaper bag, filling your coffee mug, and loading up the car, then you know how much this matters. 
• Driving your kids: Whether it’s getting older kids to and from school, or taking babies or toddlers to local classes, in-home caregivers often handle transportation needs.
• Light household help: Many nannies and au pairs assist with tasks like meal prep, tidying play areas, or doing kids’ laundry, which can be a huge relief for parents. Keep in mind, they aren't house managers and distinct responsibilities should always be outlined and understood by everyone involved.
• Flexible support: Since they’re right there in your home, they’re able to offer help when unexpected needs pop up, like a sick day or a last-minute schedule change.
• Personalized care: With fewer kids to focus on compared to a daycare setting, they can cater to your child’s specific routines, interests, and developmental needs.

Be sure to have an open conversation about these roles upfront and include them in your agreement so everyone is on the same page. If you’re not sure where to start, I’ve written blogs with detailed questions to ask both au pairs and nannies during the interview process. These guides can help you cover all the important topics and set clear expectations right from the beginning.

Additional expenses to consider

This type of unique care also means there are some additional expenses to keep in mind. Here are a few examples:

For an au pair:

• Groceries
• Increased utility bills
• Program and agency fees
• Adding them to your car insurance (if they will be driving)
• Costs for room setup or furnishings for their private space

For a nanny:

• Taxes (“nanny tax”)
• Offering benefits (health insurance, paid time off, retirement contributions)
• Transportation reimbursement (mileage or public transit)
• End-of-year bonuses or holiday gifts
• Additional liability insurance (some families choose to add this to their policy)

Living arrangements and schedules

Working with an au pair program agency provides clear guidelines about living arrangements and how many hours they can work per week. That said, you’ll still need to think about how their schedule fits into your family’s routine and prepare a comfortable space for them in your home.

For nannies, there’s more flexibility to create a setup that works for what your family needs. Whether you’re looking for live-in care or not, full-time or part-time, you can define your ideal vision and find a nanny whose availability aligns with your family’s lifestyle.

Short-term vs long-term commitments

For au pair candidates, agencies usually set the commitment length, with most arrangements lasting around 12 months, and an option sometimes to extend for 6, 9, or 12 months. 

For nannies, the timeline is more flexible. If you find an amazing fit, it’s common to aim for a long-term commitment of at least a year or more, which is great for stability. This all of course depends on your children’s ages and your family’s evolving childcare needs.

Key differences in live-in vs live-out arrangements

Live-in arrangements:

• The caregiver lives in your home full-time.
• Requires providing a private bedroom and sometimes additional amenities, like a bathroom or small living space.
• Offers convenience and flexibility, especially for an extra set of hands in early mornings, late nights, or emergencies.

Live-out arrangements:

• The caregiver commutes to your home each day.
• Provides more privacy for your family and the caregiver.
• May have stricter start and end times due to commuting logistics.

Typical hours and flexibility 

When it comes to scheduling, it’s important to find a caregiver who can align with the hours and routines your family needs. Whether you WFH, have a hybrid schedule, or are fully out of the house, getting clear on your expectations will help you find the right fit.

Some things to consider:

• Do you need help with any morning drop-offs? If so, every day or only on certain days?
• Are school or activity pick-ups part of the schedule?
• Will you need full-day coverage, before/after-school care, or a mix?
• Is childcare needed daily or on a part-time basis?
• Are you looking for additional support for occasional events (think work functions, date nights, or dinner parties)? Are most of these events scheduled in advance?

Consistency is key. And not just for your family but for the caregiver, too. While flexibility is important for everyone’s circumstances, the schedule you create should be respected and honored by both sides. Setting clear expectations upfront makes a big difference. 

Making the right choice for your family

If you’re considering hiring an au pair or nanny, start getting clear on your family’s specific needs. Sit down and make a list of your top priorities with your child care experience. Whether it’s flexibility, cultural exchange, specialized care, or something else entirely.

It can also help to talk with friends, neighbors, or others in your circle who have experience with nannies or au pairs. Hearing firsthand what’s worked (or not worked) for them can provide valuable insight as you narrow down what’s best for your family.

Ultimately, the right choice will depend on what fits your lifestyle, your children’s needs, and what feels most aligned with your family’s goals.

Lifestyle and household needs to consider

Choosing a nanny or au pair is a big step in finding the right care for your little ones. Think about how each option could support your family’s routines and make life a little easier.

Here are a few things to consider:

• Space in your home: Do you have room to host a live-in caregiver comfortably?
• Work schedule: Do you need flexibility for irregular hours or a set schedule?
• Daily routines: Will the caregiver need to manage school drop-offs, pickups, or other activities?
• Household support: Do you want help with light household tasks like laundry or meal prep for the kids?
• Cultural preferences: Are you looking for a caregiver who can provide cultural exchange or language exposure?
• Family privacy: Would a live-in arrangement fit well with your family dynamic?

Deciding based on children’s ages and needs

The number of children you have, their ages, and specific needs can play a big role in choosing between an au pair and a nanny.

• For younger children or babies: A nanny with specialized infant care experience, like supporting sleep and bottle-feeding, might be the best fit.
• For toddlers or school-age kids: An au pair can bring the added benefit of cultural exchange while managing routines like playtime, schoolwork, and activities.
• For children with unique needs: A nanny with specific training or certifications may be better equipped to provide personalized care.

Think about the level of expertise, flexibility, and support your children need at this stage to help guide your decision.

As you explore these child care options and consider what’s best for your family, know that I’m here to help with other steps on your motherhood journey. From tips on parenting, travel, work and product recommendations to support your day-to-day life, you’ll find it all in the newsletter. Be sure to subscribe to stay connected and get even more insights for making motherhood work for you.

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