Ever wonder how power couples juggle big careers and busy family lives without losing their minds? In this episode of The New Modern Mom, we’re chatting with Erin Schaefer, the SVP of Publishing, Go-to-Market and Global Operations at Niantic, who gives us an inside look at how she and her husband, both high-powered execs, keep their home running smoothly while killing it at work. She gets real about the chaos of managing family schedules, the burnout that sneaks up during those crazy times of the year, and why she’s seen moms often end up as the default parent—even when both partners have demanding jobs.
She also shares her struggles with imposter syndrome, even at the executive level, and how she’s learned to push through self-doubt. Packed with practical advice and relatable stories, this episode is a must-listen for every working mom out there!
🗓️ The Magic of Family Organization
Erin dives into how essential organization is to keeping her family’s life on track. She relies heavily on tools like Google Sheets and shared calendars to manage everything from school activities to work trips. With a strong support system in place, she has found a rhythm that works, ensuring nothing falls through the cracks.
“We live and die by the Google calendar. We have a family calendar that our nanny, the middle schooler, my husband, and I use to map out everything—from soccer practice to orthodontist appointments. And then I also use Google Sheets for things like carpools and our summer camp schedule. It’s all about visibility and making sure everyone knows what’s going on.”
⚖️ Splitting Responsibilities at Home
Erin talks candidly about how she and her husband divide the many tasks that come with raising a family while both maintaining demanding careers. Although they share the load, she has observed that in many families, the default parent role often falls to the mom, especially when it comes to managing the details of kids' lives.
“I do think there are some things that just tend to default to moms as opposed to other partners. You get the birthday party invite, it usually goes to the primary parent—and often, that’s the mom. My husband and I have tried to discuss which pieces each of us takes, but I still end up organizing things like carpools and birthday gifts. It’s about communication and making sure everyone knows who’s responsible for what.”
🔄 Handling Burnout and Stress
Burnout is real, especially during peak times like the end of the school year. Erin shares her strategies for navigating these stressful periods, which she humorously dubs “Gray May,” and emphasizes the importance of knowing when to say no to extra commitments.
“May feels like the longest month in the world. I have one friend who calls it ‘Gray May' because it’s just about making it through to the other side and getting to summer. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize when these high-stress times are coming and to remind myself that it’s okay to say no to some things. It’s all about balance.”
🧘♀️ Finding Time for You
Erin has creative ways of finding time for self-care, even with her busy schedule. From sneaking in a solo walk to enjoying the quiet moments during her commute, she stresses the importance of carving out time for herself to recharge.
“I try to take a bath on a Wednesday night once everyone’s asleep or go on a walk alone on a Sunday afternoon. And sometimes, to be honest, I just treasure the car ride after I’ve dropped everybody at school and I’m commuting into the office. That might be some of the only time alone I have in a day, and that can be nice in and of itself.”
🌱 Building Your Mom Tribe
Erin reflects on the evolution of her support network, from local mom groups to lifelong friendships. These relationships have become a crucial part of her ability to manage the demands of both work and family life.
“When I had my first child, I joined a local mom’s group in New York, and those women were pivotal in helping me navigate the early years. Now, I have a tribe of moms in my neighborhood who are essential for everything from last-minute playdates to sharing advice on parenting. These connections have been invaluable.”
🌍 Taking Risks in Your Career
Looking back, Erin wishes she had taken more career risks when her kids were younger. She offers advice for moms who might be considering a big move or career shift, reminding them that kids are often more adaptable than we think.
“My main regret is that I didn’t take more risks when opportunities came up, especially when my kids were younger. I worried too much about how it would affect them. But kids are much more adaptable than us adults, and it only gets harder to make big moves the older they get. I encourage moms to take the risk and know that if it turns out to be the wrong one, you can always pivot.”
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[00:00:00] You know, the dream of having it all a thriving career, an active social life, present time with your kids in adventures and travel, but how the F can we actually do it all? Welcome to the new modern mom podcast. I'm your host, Barbara Migdal, a former tech exec turned entrepreneur and mother of two. My superpower is creating order out of chaos, and I want to help ambitious moms feel enabled to do the same. [00:00:27] In each episode, I'm interviewing VPs, C level executives, and founders to learn the real proven strategies they use to find work life fulfillment. Together, we're building the playbook for the new modern mom. [00:00:42] Hello, hello! On today's episode, I'm joined by the SVP of Publishing, Go to Market, and Global Operations at Niantic, Erin Schaefer. Erin is a powerhouse in the tech world and a mom of two juggling middle school and elementary school [00:01:00] schedules. I wanted to bring her on because not only does she manage a demanding executive role, but she's also mastered the art of organizing her family life by using many of her professional skill sets, something I know many of us want to tap into. [00:01:14] We talk about the complexities of deciding who is the default parent in a dual career household, battling imposter syndrome, and finding time for self care in the midst of it all. I think her perspective will resonate deeply with anyone trying to balance career ambition with the challenges of motherhood, which let's be honest, that's all of us. [00:01:35] So let's dive in. [00:01:37] Welcome, Aaron. It is so good to have you here. Thanks for having me, Barbara. So for our listeners, Aaron and I got connected through a mutual friend and I had a chance to chat with her over a call. And Aaron, I was just so impressed with one, your career path is amazing, but to your organization to life in general. [00:01:58] So I'm excited [00:02:00] to chat with you today about navigating what we have to do in order to effectively cut through the chaos of balancing motherhood and career. I want to know how you've taken your professional superpowers and applied them to your personal life, and I know you have a lot of tips to share, so let's get into it. [00:02:17] To start, can you share your elevator pitch, both personally and professionally? Sure. So personally, I am mom to 12 year old sixth grader Kyle and nine year old third grader Lily, married to Neil for almost 15 years and dog mom to cute mini Labradoodle Ruby and we live in the Bay Area professionally. I am currently in a general manager, go to market role at a late stage startup called Niantic that is both in the gaming space and in the AR spatial computing space. [00:02:55] Before Niantic, I spent over a decade at Google and YouTube where I [00:03:00] had roles in finance, in sales, in go to market, in operations, in partnerships. And so I've been in this tech world on the business side for many years and happy to be a fulfilled working mom. So you are a mom to two. One's in elementary school, one is in middle school, and you're the SVP at Niantic. [00:03:23] Big job, big responsibilities. So can you set the stage for what life looks like at the present moment? Well, it sounds like all a big deal. And then of course, day to day, it's sort of, am I balancing on the tight rope and making it all work? It sort of looks good to the outside. And a lot of times on the inside, it doesn't look so good, but how do I make it work? [00:03:40] Well, I've got an awesome partner in my husband, Neil, who I mentioned, we met. Long ago at business school, and I say that because I think context of how we met. We sort of both knew we were going to be on this journey together where we were both going to care about our careers and prioritize them, but also prioritize each other and have a [00:04:00] family together. [00:04:01] So I think that has been helpful that we've sort of known that these. 18 some years that we've been together that we would both want to work, want to have kids and have to do some compromising and balancing. We have a wonderful afternoon nanny now, but we've had sort of every different configuration of nannies in the past. [00:04:20] We don't have. Parents that live close to us, but my sister does, and we have tons of great friends that sort of act as this village that helps make the world go round. And that's how we sort of get things done. It's a combination of the nuclear family, people who we love. Pay to help us in the form of childcare and folks that come help clean our house every few weeks and things like that. [00:04:42] And then a village of friends who fill in the gaps when we either sort of have a plan and need their help or when an emergency comes up and we need somebody to fill in. I love it. You have every layer planned out and organized around you. I'm curious in terms of stacking your bench, are there any kind of tools or [00:05:00] services or apps that you rely on kind of a weekly basis? [00:05:03] A couple apps that everyone knows and loves that we just use to manage life. So we live and die by the Google calendar. We have a family calendar that our nanny, the middle schooler, my husband and I use to map out what activities do we have. Is there soccer practice today? Or my husband and I going out that night and our nanny's going to babysit. [00:05:23] Do we have an orthodontist appointment? So we use that Google calendar to make sure everybody has full visibility to what's going on. My husband and I will use that to. Flag trips to one another and make sure that somebody else doesn't book one for work the same week and then I also use good old Google Spreadsheets and use Excel. [00:05:41] I use Google Spreadsheets so everyone can update them, but we use those for a bunch of our big carpools that we do. I've got an elementary school and a middle schooler. So what has gone from really trying to worry about physical care and making sure somebody's fed, slept, playing, is now all about shuttling them to various [00:06:00] activities. [00:06:00] And of course, a lot of times those activities are happening at the same time and in two different directions. So we use these spreadsheets to pull together massive carpools with that community of people. Friends in the neighborhood and figure out who's driving to what place what day and sort of set that schedule So that you can make the magic happen day in day out. [00:06:21] I love how organized not just you but everybody around you has been in the approach to organizing your life with your children in it. You mentioned just now that you and your husband met a long time ago, and you kind of knew that you're going on this journey together. And I'm curious among big careers, big family life, how are you finding solo time with each other, but also just like by yourself? [00:06:47] Not easy. Neil and I have tried various models over the years. So we have tried to take a Friday off every quarter when we've got built in childcare in the form of either school, [00:07:00] now that our kids are school age, but previously before they were in school five days a week, maybe a nanny covering them. And we would just take the day off to go on a hike and a lunch and maybe even, you know, Go to get massages together, whatever it was to just have time by ourselves. [00:07:16] Now, our awesome nanny is willing to stay for a weekend with our kids and knows all the drills about food, play dates, all the things. And so we will try to go just for a quick weekend away, not far from the Bay Area. We'll just go to Napa Sonoma or maybe even just 45 minutes away so that we can just have a weekend away together. [00:07:36] So more like an extended version of that. And then we try to do every month or so, just a date night, like just go out to dinner on a Thursday night, but it can even be little things like now that our kids are a little older, we might leave in the morning on Saturday and just take our dog for a walk while our kids are playing some games on their iPads or watching a movie or because we can leave them at home by themselves, which is amazing. [00:07:58] The luxury of getting into the [00:08:00] later stage of elementary and middle school. But then for myself, I've got a couple of different groups of girlfriends, but I try to go on some weekends away with them. So I just am back from a girl's weekend with my best dozen friends from business school. We all met up in South Carolina, not close for any of us, but a great place where we could all come together. [00:08:21] I do that with some of my neighborhood friends here once a year and try to do it with my college girlfriends once a year as well. Just to have some time that's not about partner or kids. And then on my own, I try to take a bath on a Wednesday night once everyone's asleep. Or go on a walk alone on a Sunday afternoon if I can, just to be. [00:08:42] All by myself and sometimes, to be honest, I just treasure the car ride after I've dropped everybody at school and I'm commuting into the office that might be some of the only time alone. I have in a day and that can be nice time in and of itself. Kind of going back to your system of life. [00:09:00] You have this nanny, you have all of these other people around you. [00:09:04] I would love to know how you guys are kind of breaking down responsibilities to know that nothing's getting dropped. Like, how do you outsource your knowledge to other people and make sure that there's accountability all over the place. Yeah. Well, things do get dropped and you just have to be mentally and emotionally prepared if it's going to happen. [00:09:27] So I think some of the like division of labor has It just happened organically. Unfortunately, this is one of the things that drives me a little nuts. And hopefully for the newer and newer generations of moms, this won't be as true, but I do think there are some things that just tend to default to moms as opposed to other partners. [00:09:49] And that is you get the birthday party invite. It goes to one person in the family, not two, and it usually goes to the primary parent. And if you're talking about a heterosexual couple, it's often the mom. [00:10:00] And so. I tend to pick those things up. Okay. I'm going to put Haley's birthday party that Lily's got to go to on the calendar, and I'm going to be the one that, because I put it on the calendar, I'm also going to be responsible for the gift. [00:10:12] If I need Neil to drive there, I'm going to write in the calendar, invite Neil drives there. Jen's doing pickup. So it's just about trying to communicate. All the information, make sure people know who's on point for what some of that just happens verbally. Hey, Lily, don't forget to write a card for Haley's birthday. [00:10:31] I've got the present. Tell dad the presence done. And he's got to make sure you take it with you when you get in the car. But in terms of generally organizing things like carpools, I'm often happy to be the one that just takes the lead to get it done to me, getting that started and putting together that spreadsheet for lacrosse carpool. [00:10:48] I don't mind taking the initiative because I know it'll get us organized. And To me, that is like stress off my own plate. So every Sunday, for example, I send texts to our nanny, to any of the [00:11:00] carpools, it's just a reminder of here's the plan for the week. Anybody have any concerns? Hey, you're on pick up this day, you're on drop off that day. [00:11:06] And I find that most of my friends love that someone else is doing that for them. And I honestly love being the person who does it because it's like, Stress off for me. And I think for them, it's stress off for them. And same with our nanny. She's so glad you shared the plan for the week. Yes, that all works. [00:11:20] Confirmed. Got it done. So you talked about the concept of the primary parent or what I often refer to as the default parent. And I think what's so interesting is I know you and your husband are both executives, and I know a lot of your friends come from similar kinds of family structures where both parents are pretty senior executives. [00:11:41] And so when you think about two parents who are working, they both have equal footing in their careers and probably on income, the choice is not really clear who the default parent is. So I'm curious, how did you make that decision between you and your husband? And what have you seen your friends do? I love that question, Barbara. [00:11:59] [00:12:00] I certainly agree. It's not as obvious as maybe it might have been generations ago where it was less likely that you had two working parents or certainly less likely that you had two working parents with sort of equally weighty jobs. What I have found, and I hope this will change and maybe is changing right now, but what I have found is that it does seem that typically most people default to moms still. [00:12:25] However. That's not always the case. Sometimes people will really flag, Nope, can you please loop in my partner for this? Actually, my partner is going to take the lead on this thing and it might be my partner is going to take the lead on all activities related to sports. And I take the lead on all things related to school within my partnership. [00:12:45] My husband has actually always taken the lead on all things related to setting up contracts with our nannies, paying them, paying for their health care, all the things related to sort of the. Infrastructure around, I've taken the lead on hiring, [00:13:00] interviewing, and we try to really discuss which pieces somebody is taking early on. [00:13:06] I took sort of the default parent role simply because we were both traveling when we first had our son, but my husband was traveling even more. He was traveling sort of every week and I was probably traveling. Once a month. And so I just happened to be the person that would probably be the better choice for the emergency contact for preschool, etc. [00:13:24] But we've renegotiated those things over time. So right now, I'm the one who goes into an office four days a week. And my husband actually works from our home. And so he ends up being the one I've trained. The administrators at school, if somebody comes to the office and is sick and needs to go home, they should call him because he's going to be the one who's more likely to be home versus me, but I think it's a good thing to just constantly check in about because. [00:13:48] Life changes, situations change. Also what the primary or default parent is handling changes over time as the kids grow and change. And so I think talking about it is really [00:14:00] important. And then communicating that out to your crew, whether that's school doctors, childcare providers, friends, like who do you want to be the point person and let them know so that they can respond as well. [00:14:11] Absolutely. And I actually didn't realize you were commuting four days a week into the office. I mean, you actually may be one of the only guests that is going in that frequently. I know I've chatted with people who are definitely doing the hybrid, but four days, I mean, that's pretty much full time in the office. [00:14:28] So walk me through what does a morning routine look like for you? Barbara, I love that you said that because I'm going to go back and tell our CEO that I'm the only one to make debate as I'm sure it is for everybody. So, okay, so morning routine at our house. So again, my kids are a little older now, nine and twelve. [00:14:46] So I have people that are instead of waking me up at five thirty or six a. m. and being the ones who pad into the room, I actually need to wake them up to make sure that they get to sleep. teeth brushed, get dressed, eat breakfast and get themselves [00:15:00] out the door on time. So they have to be at school between 8 10 and 8 30. [00:15:05] I'm really lucky. In that I'm at a place in my career where I can sort of set my schedule of, I'm not going to take a meeting before 9 30 in the morning, unless I really need to, if it's an external meeting with a partner or customer or a board member or something like that, but generally, I'm able to take them to school or my husband takes them. [00:15:24] And that's something actually, we don't have a system around. We just sort of agree day to day because we don't have child care coverage in the mornings. We just have help in the afternoon. So. Okay. One of us is responsible for getting these to fund people to school, and they go to different schools right now, different campuses. [00:15:39] So we dropped one and then the other and around home in the morning. We try to make a quick and healthy and easy breakfast. We have to make sure everybody's got backpacks, all the things. And then we drop at school. And then I, once I've got the second one out and into his school, then I'm done. On my way to the office and I probably turn on a podcast. [00:15:58] I might schedule a call [00:16:00] while I'm in the car to try to maximize the day in the commute. So one or the other, and then I make my way into work and I'm usually into a meeting by nine 30 or so. It's a busy morning. So you mentioned having all the things like who's packing their lunches. So, our nanny packed their lunches the day before, so they're in the refrigerator and ready to go. [00:16:20] And kids are trained to get it out of the refrigerator, get it into their bag, make sure they've got everything before they walk out the door. There's two things that you just said that make me really excited for the next stage of my kid's life. One was You're waking them up. Yeah, I don't set my alarm anymore. [00:16:36] My son just like comes into my room at 6am. So really excited. And then also just like having the independence to know like my lunch is in the fridge. I'm going to put it in my backpack because they realize like No one else is going to do it for them. So that's definitely something that I'm excited about it. [00:16:52] But going back to something you said earlier around all of your spreadsheets, like you use spreadsheets for carpool. Can you talk to me a little bit more? I am such [00:17:00] a spreadsheet person. My husband is as well. We run our entire life very similarly. What else do you use spreadsheets for? Well, we use them for like family budget, summer camp schedule, which is actually one of the things I love about why I use Google sheets as you could share them with people. [00:17:19] So for example, when you get more into the elementary age, but summer camp becomes a big thing. And so starting in January, usually when camp signups start to go out, big groups of parents of kids who are friends, start the circulating of the camp signups to just say, Hey, I'm Here's what I'm thinking. What are you thinking to try to match up with other kids and get the carpools going? [00:17:40] We use them to plan vacations. I think we have proposed vacations for probably the next couple of years on a spreadsheet. None of them have been booked. It's just a let's map out ideas. So we use them for everything. So many logistics to manage. Do you still experience burnout [00:18:00] regardless of all of these systems you have in place? [00:18:02] Of course, of course. And it's funny, I always find May for the elementary and middle school years to be, it feels like the longest month in the world. I have one friend who calls it gray May, that you're going to sort of make it through May. [00:18:16] It feels like the longest month. And so I do feel like over time, I've just gotten used to, when are those, you know, what are the seasonal times where you're going to feel that way? [00:18:27] And I do feel like it's the beginning of the school year, going right into those holiday breaks of winter holidays and spring break, and then again, at the end of the year, and so I just try to remind myself, it's okay. This too shall pass. I remember feeling that way when I had my Second child at the, those early weeks of a newborn the first time around, I didn't know it was going to pass and I was terrified. [00:18:50] I was like, what did we do and are we ever going to get our lives back? Are we ever going to go on a date again? Are we ever going to see friends again? And so we hit the second time with that, with our daughter. I said, [00:19:00] okay, this is really hard. These early weeks where no one's sleeping and breastfeeding is hard, but it will pass. [00:19:06] And I tried to say the same thing now. It's okay. Nice. Crazy. There's too many things. It will pass. And, it's just a reminder, you don't have to say yes to all the too many things. You can start to say no to some of them as well. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm curious how, knowing that this is kind of a seasonal thing that you've experienced, like how do you, Plan for work, knowing that you're going to have certain months that are really hard at home. [00:19:33] Is there anything that you do differently? I try to make sure that the things that are optional, that you could be volunteering for, that this is not the time to take them on. So for example, you get invited to a fun dinner with executives from other companies. It'd be a great networking opportunity. And normally I want to jump on that and say, Oh fun. [00:19:53] And if Neil can cover the kids, like I should go to that dinner. That's exactly the kind of. Opportunity to meet other people, make new [00:20:00] connections. May is not the time to do that because you're just, you're going to get closer to the actual date and be like, Oh my God, I've got to cancel that. So it's those kind of things, just trying to make sure that I'm balancing all the things I've got on both sides, the family side and the work side. [00:20:14] And when it's a quieter time for family. Interestingly, summer tends to be a little less busy with the kids. There's not school. There's not all of these sports. That's a time where I can maybe lean in a little bit more, stay a little later at work, do the extra thing. And I try to take advantage of those times too. [00:20:32] Yeah. And on a parallel topic, this comes up a lot. In my circle of friends and, and honestly in conversations on this podcast as well as assessing the right time to take risks in your career or taking big leaps of faith or seizing opportunities at different stages of motherhood and different stages of your kids ages. [00:20:53] What is your experience been like in deciding when to lean in or lean out in your career or take those risks? [00:21:00] Well, I think when I look backwards, my main regret is that I didn't take more and that I worried, I think, probably too much at the time about, you know, Taking something new on when I had either a young kid or whatnot. [00:21:16] And I'm here to say it only gets a little harder and more complicated. The older they get, still not impossible. I still try to give myself some self talk, keep taking those risks. You only regret the ones that you didn't take, not the ones you did, but it only gets harder that the older they get, the more attached they get to their friends, their schools, their things. [00:21:35] And so taking that Job that might require a move or a year or two somewhere abroad. It only gets harder. So I wish I had taken some of those opportunities when they came to me, when my kids were younger, kids in general, they're much more adaptable than us adults. And so I think we worry a lot about doing things that might affect them. [00:21:58] Now, each kid is unique and some [00:22:00] kids might have really unique circumstances that make it really hard to take a risk. For those who don't have those special circumstances, I think, take the risk, make the move, and know that if it turns out to be the wrong one, you can pivot. You can make a change. Yes, of course, it's all harder when you're also, um, Balancing their needs and of course having to support them and bring in income to take care of a family and not just yourself. [00:22:22] If you have a partner, it's a ratcheting up. It's now just not you, it's somebody else. And now you add little people and maybe even animals and things and mortgages and all of that to the mix certainly makes it harder, but it doesn't mean you can't make a change if that risk turns out not to be the right one. [00:22:39] And I know you personally had firsthand experience of maybe saying no to something in, in you were earlier on in your career. Would you share that story with us? I'd be happy to. I have a series of these where people ask me to consider a new job at a new company. And I said, no, but the one that really stands out to me, I used to work with this [00:23:00] wonderful woman, Claire Hughes Johnson at Google who left CEO of Stripe. [00:23:06] She's now. Left her COO role and is just an advisor, but is well known for being one of the best operators in Silicon Valley. And Claire was early in her time at Stripe had relatively recently left Google and she and I were going to connect and have coffee and catch up. And I was on maternity leave with my daughter, my second, and. [00:23:27] Can't remember. She's probably two months old and it was at home and had a couple more months being at home and Claire and I met and for coffee and following up from it. She said, Aaron, I'd really like you to consider coming here to stripe and coming and being our head of people. I know that's not what you've done. [00:23:44] You've been a sort of on the operating side. In sales in operations and partnerships and finance. But I'm looking for someone who's had the business experience to come look after our people function. Do you think it's something you'd like to do? And I think [00:24:00] in the haze of maternity leave and feeling like, oh my gosh, I've got this new baby, she's asking me to consider a total functional job change. [00:24:08] I took a whole week to get back to her, which to me at the time didn't seem like a long time, but she was in this. Scaling growth, crazy building startup, she'd already by that time moved on to talking to somebody else and somebody else we both knew. And that other person had said, yep, I'm in like, let me get on the train. [00:24:26] And so I always look back and say, what would that have experience have been like to go to an early stripe and get to work with Claire? And, uh, Yeah, maybe I would have come back early from maternity leave. There's all sort of what ifs, but I wish I had just, uh, leaned in and, and jumped on it a little bit more quickly. [00:24:43] Yeah. And I think in, in this scenario, I think being on maternity leave, being postpartum obviously is, it's really hard to make decisions in that time period of your life in particular, but you mentioned that this was a different kind of role. Like what role do you think imposter syndrome plays [00:25:00] work with women after they become moms? [00:25:05] Oh, I think it's huge. Unfortunately, at least for me, hopefully for others, it goes away for me, it's never gone away, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that I'm part of the executive team and present to the board every quarter. It doesn't matter what the title is. I always, Have this sense of, oh, somebody's gonna figure out that I, I don't have x, y, Z qualification. [00:25:27] I don't know every answer to every question. And, and that's gonna be the end of me. And I just was with a bunch of my girlfriends last weekend, all friends from business school, incredibly accomplished smart women, and was chatting with one of my friends who has taken a, just literally six months, maybe nine months off, because her partner had a sabbatical. [00:25:50] And they had the opportunity to go and take, they have three boys take them on a trip around the world, which she does not regret at all. They pulled them out of school and took this trip, but she [00:26:00] now is. Approaching, going back to not even a new job, back to the, to the company that she worked at before. [00:26:06] And she's feeling like, Oh my gosh, I'll never be able to do it. They won't want me to come back. I'll be terrible at whatever project I take on. And so I think it is very common among us mothers, especially when we shift into the mom side of our life for a while, whether I'm maternity leave or again, this example of my friend who's. [00:26:24] Got much older kids, but took some time off. We have this feeling like, oh, we can't possibly jump back into the work world and everyone will think our knowledge is outdated, et cetera. I think the only way to get over it is to take the plunge and then find out pretty quickly you're doing just fine. [00:26:40] Exactly. I think from the outside in, we all know when you're not in the deep of it, that like, You are qualified, you can figure these things out, and if anything, you're now more efficient than you ever were as a mom and as a worker. And I'm curious, do you feel like becoming a mom changed the way you lead at work or the way that you [00:27:00] operate when you're in your work hours? [00:27:02] Absolutely. In the best possible way. I think my approach before having kids to sort of career progression, doing a great job at work was probably similar to the approach I'd taken in school and life before, which is just, I'm going to outwork everyone else and not in a competitive way. [00:27:20] Just like I'm going to study the most. I'm going to work really hard. And that's going to end up yielding great results for me, not to anybody else's detriment. We can all win, but I'm going to work really hard and I'll get that done because I can just put in more hours and time and sort of sweat. And once you have kids that is not possible. [00:27:40] And in fact, if you try to do that, you're just quick path to burnout, exhaustion, and really making no one happy at home or at work. And so I think it is. A wonderful forcing function to make you prioritize what really matters. What is the work that needs to get done at work? What matters in life? Even [00:28:00] things like, do you really need to worry about cleaning that guest bathroom at home? [00:28:04] Or can that wait until another week? Like it really does help you put everything into perspective and really figure out what matters. And so I think post kids, I have. Really tried to optimize my time for what matters most in all aspects at work, outside of work, etc. Definitely. And I think that's such an applicable tool for both at home, but also you at work, right? [00:28:29] Like you as an executive at your company, like your job is to ruthlessly prioritize what you and your team are working on and only do the things that really matter, make an impact. And I agree, I think. That has been so evident in my day to day on my mindset shift, if it's not about hustle, it's about focus, and I completely agree with you. [00:28:51] I, I want to spin the conversation back to your mom tribe, because you've mentioned it a few times, and it's something that I'm so curious about, because I think [00:29:00] After becoming a mom, having that group of women around you was so important, but I think a lot of people struggle to find those people. And so I'd love if you can talk about what the evolution of your mom tribe has looked like. [00:29:13] Totally. So I have a few different mom tribes and it absolutely has changed over time. When I first, when I had my first Child and I was living in, we were living in New York when our son was born, I, the first sort of tribe that I built around me were a combination of friends from college and business school that lived in New York and had kids at the same, around the same time. [00:29:35] And literally we were navigating the world with these newborns and going to each other's apartments and just looking at them and being like, what do we do? I also at that time joined a local mom's group that was. In the neighborhood I lived in called the Hudson river park moms group that was down in sort of the Tribeca area of New York. [00:29:53] And I met, and the way that group worked is they put you in a cohort with moms whose kids were born within a three month period. [00:30:00] And I met these women who for the next two years of my life became people that I saw multiple times a week, every week. I had not known them before. And many of them I'm barely in touch with now because we've all moved all around the country. [00:30:15] I think. None of us live in the Hudson river park area anymore, but they were so pivotal to me in those early years of literally what am I dealing with right now, this month with this sort of developmental stage of my child. And they really helped me through that. I also have my friends from high school, from college and, and also business school. [00:30:38] Generally, we are of the same age. Our children are about the same age, but. Those groups that might be text chains, phone calls, or weekends that we all come together. We don't live together and you just get great tips and tricks. And then for the last. I guess it's seven years that we've lived in our neighborhood since [00:31:00] our, our oldest started kindergarten. [00:31:02] I have a whole tribe of moms that are right in my neighborhood that have become great personal friends too. And some closer than others. Some are moms of my kids friends that aren't my best friends, but are incredibly important to me in terms of getting the flow of information, getting the people from here to there. [00:31:19] And I think it makes, it makes a difference. Just a ton of difference everything from how are you navigating whether to give your sixth grader a phone? What kind of rules do you have in place? Do you ask your kids to do chores to the? Hey Can I drop my kid at your house for a playdate because I we just had this disaster happen and I've got to be here My husband's got to be there and our nanny's out sick It really runs the gamut of all the different things that you could leverage a community for We have to get into this getaway that you just did. [00:31:50] I love this. I love the idea of just having an entire weekend with your friends uninterrupted. Talk to me about who plans this [00:32:00] getaway. How are you guys organizing it? Because like you said, nobody lives in these destinations. So like, you're literally planning a vacation for like, So talk to me about this process. [00:32:10] So we have a group of girlfriends that sort of became best friends in business school, live in various places all around the country, and even one, one in Canada. And for the last 18 years, we have been just making it a priority to get together once a year and not everybody can always make it. That's completely okay. [00:32:33] And usually there's probably two of us. I'm one of them who tend to be the organizers or the instigators. And Barbara, if this hasn't been obvious, I don't mind being the organizer again. It's like stress relieving for me that wheels are in motion. Not everyone is that way and that's totally okay, but I truly don't mind it. [00:32:51] But historically we would start by sending out sort of a doodle poll or something like that to pick a weekend, like what weekend on the calendar Is open for people [00:33:00] usually six to nine months in advance historically, we would pick some destination that was easy for everyone to fly into from somewhere in the world. [00:33:08] The last couple of years, we decided that this first weekend in May tends to work for everyone and one of our friends has a second home in Palmetto bluff, South Carolina. And has been generous enough to open up her home and let all of us just come stay there. It's not easy for everyone to get to, but it is magical to all be in one house together in one place and just hang out. [00:33:30] And we'll plan, not a lot, a couple of activities, some dinners. But mostly it's all about just time together to talk and catch up. And we end up usually sharing all sorts of product recommendations, service recommendations, family trip, destination recommendations. They all get shared on a WhatsApp or in a spreadsheet. [00:33:52] And again, the advice can run the absolute gamut, but that is one of the most treasured weekends I have during the year is [00:34:00] just this chance to catch up with these people and find out that. Being a mom in Chicago or New York or Virginia isn't that different than being a mom in California and that we have so much in common in terms of what challenges we're facing with kids, with our partners, with our aging parents, we're all sort of in that mode as well now. [00:34:20] And it's just so helpful to just to have empathetic hugs and ears, but also to get great advice. And. I think we all feel like it fills our cups and just gives us more energy to come back to the craziness of working and family life, having spent that time together. I love that you guys do that. I equally love how you really take advantage of the time together to not just enjoy in the moment, but take away all of these. [00:34:48] Yeah. Really great tips and advice afterwards. Like things that probably come up naturally in text change over time, but like just a consolidated amount of information to be shared. And then you guys have like your [00:35:00] takeaway doc, which I love. Yeah, totally. Totally. And so. I think I can guess what your professional superpower is, but I would love if you shared what do you think your professional superpower is and how have you seen it show up in your personal and family life? [00:35:14] So I, I've always struggled with what's your superpower question, which I think is a great question and I ask other people when I'm interviewing them, but we just had a new colleague join at work and she said to me, she was like, Erin, I think your superpower is that you make everybody feel like you're special. [00:35:30] Heard included seen in a room and that yields better results and it resonated with me. I think I am a total people person. I want people to feel like they belong like they matter and I do think that has been what has made me. Successful in my family life. I think our whole extended family feel like connected together. [00:35:53] I think it's what's helpful to me in making friends in new places. And I do think it's probably what's helped me be successful at work and build [00:36:00] teams and have them feel motivated, excited to want to go on the journey together. So I think that's it. You seem to definitely be like the glue to all of your different circles, whether that's like your village or your friends. [00:36:12] So I, I can see that. Erin, how can listeners connect with you beyond this episode? I'm not on X, but I am on Instagram, airbouch, E R B O U C H. I'm on LinkedIn and people can reach out to me anytime. . Thank you so much. I loved our conversation today. Me too. Thank you, Barbara. So nice to connect. [00:36:34] Thanks for listening to this episode of the new modern mom podcast. I hope you can use the story shared today to simplify the chaos of career and motherhood. If you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe to this podcast. Give us a five star rating and leave a review. Please connect with me on LinkedIn and follow new modern mom on Instagram. [00:36:54] I know you're busy and I so appreciate your support for my mission to help more moms find work life fulfillment. [00:37:00] And I have good news. The playbook doesn't end here. To get bonus strategies, tools, and takeaways from this guest, sign up for my newsletter at NewModernMom. com backslash subscribe. I promise you'll be filing this under a must read.Author
