If you’ve ever wondered what having an au pair in your home (caring for your child, integrating into your family) is really like, I get it. I was right there too before we hosted our first au pair a few years ago. And after hosting multiple au pairs since, I can confidently say this: it’s been one of the best decisions we’ve made for our family. But I’ll be honest, going into it, I had so many questions. Like, what does an au pair do everyday? How is it different from hiring a nanny? How do we make sure the experience works for everyone?
An au pair is so much more than childcare. It’s a cultural exchange, a way to bring new traditions into your home, and, honestly, a pretty incredible resource for busy moms and families. Beyond helping with daily routines, like school drop-offs and keeping our toddler entertained during that dreaded pre-dinner meltdown window, our au pairs have brought fresh energy and new perspectives to our family. We’ve had conversations learning about their favorite traditions growing up, shared meals with recipes from their home countries, and even practiced new words in different languages with our kids. It’s been a great experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
In this post, I’ll break down everything you need to know about what an au pair does. What their role can look like on a daily basis, how they support your family, and why it’s different from other childcare options. If you’ve ever been curious or are trying
childcare to decide if hosting an au pair is right for your family, this guide will help you get a clear picture of what to expect.
What does an au pair do?
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but in today’s world, that village looks a little (or a lot) different for every family.
For some, it’s grandparents nearby. For others, it’s daycare or a trusted nanny. And for many, including us, it’s been having an au pair. Whether you’re a mom who WFH, heads into the office, has some kind of hybrid setup, you’re taking a career pause, pivoting to something new (raises hand, been there!), or figuring it all out as you go, having extra hands on deck is a necessity.
That’s where an au pair can step in. So let’s break down what an au pair actually does and how they can make life easier for your unique family situation.
Daily and weekly tasks
Being a mom means wearing all the hats. Doing things like caring for your kids, managing a career, coordinating calendars, and somehow trying to make time for yourself. It’s a lot. Having an au pair can bring some much needed relief to your life. They’re there to lend a hand where you need it most, offering consistent support that makes life feel a little less chaotic. But what does an au pair do, exactly?
Here are some examples of what an au pair can help with day-to-day and week-to-week:
Daily tasks:
- Early morning support: Helping get the kids fed, dressed and ready for the day.
- Child focused care: Keeping the kids entertained and engaged with things like activities, crafts, books, games, or outings.
- Drop offs and pickups: Taking care of drop offs and pickups, whether it’s to school, daycare, sports, or playdates.
- Tidying up kid spaces: Household chores that are kid related like making sure toys, playrooms, and kids’ areas are cleaned up by the end of the day.
- Simple meals: Preparing snacks, breakfasts, lunches, or dinners for the kids.
Weekly tasks:
- Kid laundry: Washing, folding, and putting away the kids’ clothes.
- Planning fun activities: Coming up with creative ways to keep your kids entertained and learning.
- Sharing their culture: Teaching your kids words in another language, sharing traditions, or introducing new games and stories.
- Household organization: Helping with routines that keep things running smoothly, like staying on top of weekly schedules or keeping tabs on items you need like favorite snacks or replacing mittens.
Having someone living in your home and ready to help creates breathing room in your busy week. And it means you get more time for what matters to you. That could be a mix of diving into work, spending quality time with your kids, and simply catching a moment for yourself.
Day-to-day life with an au pair
I love reading or watching videos with a good DIL rundown. It’s such a helpful way to get a feel for someone’s routine. How it lines up with my own life, where it’s similar, and where it’s different. Thinking about a typical day for an au pair can give you a clear picture of how their schedule might fit into your family’s needs and whether this kind of support could make your days run smoother.
A typical day for an au pair
Here’s a glimpse into what a day in the life of an au pair might look like. Of course, every family’s schedule is different, but this can help you imagine how their routine could fit into your home with young ones:
- 8:00 AM: Help the kids get ready for the day. Breakfast, brushing teeth, and making sure backpacks are packed.
- 8:30 AM: School drop-off for school age / older kids.
- 9:30 AM: Morning activities at home with younger kids.
- 10:30 AM: Tidy up the kids’ spaces, put away toys, and prep snacks.
- 11:00 AM: Take younger kids on an outing, like the park, library, etc., or outside play at home.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch time followed by cleanup.
- 12:30 Nap or quiet time/low-key activities.
- 2:30 PM: School pick-up and help with homework or after school activities.
- 5:30 PM: Prep dinner for the kids and wrap up the day.
- 6:00 PM: Off-duty and ready to relax, explore the area, and enjoy personal time.
It’s a balance of structured support for your family while still giving your au pair plenty of time to enjoy their own experiences.
Benefits of having an au pair
Some of my favorite moments have been the cultural exchanges, which is one of the first reasons why I wanted to host an au pair. Like when our au pair made a traditional dish from her home country, and we all sat around the table enjoying the meal together. Or when she taught my kids a new song in her native language, and they walked around humming it for days.
With an au pair, your kids get to see the world through a new lens, not through a book or a classroom lesson, but through real, daily interactions with someone from another part of the world outside of American culture.
IMO, there are endless benefits of having an au pair as your choice for child care. Here are some of the top that come to mind:
- Help with daily routines like mornings, school drop-offs, mealtimes, and bedtime
- Exposure to a new language in a natural, everyday way
- Cultural exchange that brings new traditions, recipes, and perspectives into your home
- Flexible childcare that works around your schedule, including help in the early mornings or at night
- More hands-on help like folding laundry, meal prep, and tidying play spaces
- Someone to take on daycare drop-offs and pickups
- More one-on-one attention for each child compared to daycare settings
- An opportunity to form lifelong connections with someone from another country
- Encourages kids to be adaptable, social, and open-minded
- More time for you, whether it’s for work, self-care, or a much-needed breather
- Support on sick days, school breaks, or when schedules change last minute
- Cost-effective compared to hiring a full-time nanny, especially for multiple kids
- A chance to share your family’s culture while learning about someone else’s
Educational and cultural exchange
One of the most rewarding parts of having an au pair is the cultural and educational exchange that naturally becomes part of your family’s daily life. The support they bring your family is amazing and there are also so many little moments of connection and learning that make the experience so meaningful. For families, it’s an opportunity to introduce your kids to new languages, traditions, and perspectives. And for au pairs, it’s a chance to immerse themselves in a new culture while sharing their own.
Language learning opportunities for au pairs
One of the biggest reasons we decided to host an au pair was to give our kids a chance to learn a second language. I’ve always wanted my kids to have that exposure early on. And with an au pair it happens naturally, through songs, playtime, bedtime stories, and conversations. Those everyday moments add up, and it’s amazing how quickly kids pick up language skills.
At the same time, the au pair is improving their English, which makes it a really meaningful exchange for everyone. It’s such a simple way to bring something special into your home while supporting both your kids and the person helping care for them.
Cultural benefits for host families
Hosting an au pair also provides the benefit of a unique cultural aspect and exchange in a way that happens in your home without extra planning. Your family gets a front row seat to another culture. Here are a few examples of how:
- Learning about different holidays and traditions
- Trying new recipes
- Hearing stories about a different culture
- Exposing your kids to a new language and ways of life
- Gaining a deeper understanding of another part of the world
- Building meaningful connections across cultures
Au pair responsibilities and boundaries
The daily and weekly tasks that were mentioned above are examples of what au pair childcare can help with, but setting clear boundaries from the start is definitely key to making it all work with as few hiccups as possible. Boundaries will help everyone understand what’s expected and what isn’t, so there’s no confusion about roles.
If you’re working with an agency, they can be a great resource for understanding what’s standard or even prohibited when it comes to an au pair’s responsibilities.
Many agencies have clear guidelines about tasks like heavy cleaning or doing things that aren’t child related. It’s important to note they’re there to provide support for your family, but not act as a house manager or personal assistant.
When defining boundaries, think about:
- Work hours: Set a clear schedule that fits within the agreed upon hours (usually around 30-45 hours per week, depending on your program).
- Household expectations: It's important to be specific and understand what tasks fall under their role, like helping with the kids’ laundry or tidying their play areas. And what doesn’t, like deep cleaning the kitchen or running your personal errands.
- Privacy and downtime: Remember, they live with you, so it’s important to respect their own room, space, and personal time. Make sure they know when they’re off duty and encourage them to explore, rest, or connect with friends.
- Family dynamics: Discuss how you want to handle family time, family trips, meals, and shared spaces. Some families love having their au pair join for dinner or holidays, while others might keep things more separate.
My biggest tip here is to have these conversations early on. And be open to revisiting them as needed.
The selection process: finding the right match
Opening your doors and your family to someone is a big deal. You want someone who meshes well with your kids, aligns with your parenting style, and brings the right balance of support and independence. And let’s be real, since they’ll be living in your home, you also want to genuinely like having them around!
So how do you actually go about finding that just right match? I’ve been through the process multiple times, and trust me, there are a few important things that can make it way easier.
How to find an au pair that fits your family’s needs
From understanding program requirements to narrowing down candidates, finding the right au pair is a huge responsibility and takes a bit of strategy. I walk through all the must-know details in this blog, including insider tips that have made the process so much easier for us:
👉 Simplified Guide: How to Find an Au Pair for Your Family
Must ask interview questions
Once you’ve narrowed down potential au pairs, the interview stage is everything. The right questions can help you spot red flags, confirm compatibility, and get a true sense of whether they’d be a good fit for your family dynamic. Before you start interviewing, grab my go-to list of essential questions here:
👉 Must Ask Au Pair Interview Questions
Setting expectations: contracts and agreements
When you welcome an au pair into your home, they truly become a part of your daily rhythm. They’ll learn how your toddler likes their sandwiches cut, know which book before nap time is non-negotiable, and they’ll be there for the little moments that make up your family’s day. It’s a unique bond that’s both practical and personal, which is why being open, comfortable, and clear with someone sharing your space daily is so important.
What to include in an au pair contract
A solid contract is obviously a must-have. This will make sure everyone is on the same page before any issues arise. It sets clear expectations, avoids miscommunication, and helps your au pair feel confident in their role. Here’s what to cover:
- Schedule & hours: Define work hours, days off, and flexibility expectations.
- Childcare responsibilities: Outline specific tasks they’re responsible for (diaper changes, school drop-offs, etc.).
- Household expectations: Be clear on what they will and won’t be doing. Light tidying? Laundry for the kids? Meal prep? Spell it out.
- Time off & personal space: Set boundaries for downtime, vacations, and whether they’re expected to join family outings or have their own plans.
- Driving & transportation: If they’ll be driving, discuss insurance, vehicle use, and safety expectations.
- Compensation & benefits: Stipend, room & board, groceries, any extras like a phone plan or gym membership.
- Conflict resolution: Have a game plan for how to address issues if they arise (more on that below!).
How to handle conflicts that come up
Even with the best match, things happen. My general rule to stick with is to handle any issues early and keep communication open. Here are my top suggestions for any conflicts that come up:
- Have a weekly check-in: Set aside even 15 minutes over a cup of coffee to go over how things are going. This can prevent small frustrations from turning into big problems.
- Be clear, not passive: If something isn’t working, address it directly (but kindly!). Avoid the “I’ll just deal with it” mindset, since it only leads to resentment and building things up.
- Encourage open dialogue: Your au pair might not always feel comfortable bringing up concerns, so make sure they know it’s okay to speak up.
- Revisit expectations if needed: Sometimes, all it takes is a reset. Sit down, review the contract, and make adjustments if needed.
- Use the agency as backup: If things really aren’t working, an agency can step in to mediate or even rematch if necessary.
Motherhood was never meant to be a solo job. Having an au pair gives you another person to be a part of your village. And at the end of the day, knowing you have someone else there to help with the chaos and daily worries, to lighten the load and bring new experiences into your home, is priceless.
Looking for more takes on mom life? Whether it’s budgeting for a new baby, must-haves to make postpartum easier, or setting healthy boundaries at work, check out these blogs for more ways to make motherhood work for you!
Author
