Becoming a mom is a life-changing experience—beautiful, transformative, and yes, completely overwhelming. It's as though no one can honestly prepare you for the love you’ll have for your baby, but also for just how much you’ll second-guess yourself or how deeply you’ll feel the weight of trying to do it all. And somewhere in the midst of the seventh diaper change of the day, late-night feedings, and endless to-do lists, mom guilt sneaks in, whispering that you’re not doing enough. And honestly, it sucks.
I remember the first time it hit me, that knot in my stomach. It can feel like whiplash to feel so grateful for my children and so guilty for wanting time to myself, to continue to reach for goals I had set before them and after them. How can both these things exist at the same time? But they do—and it’s so common to feel this way.
Mom guilt has a way of creeping into every corner of our lives, making us question everything. But it doesn’t have to define your experience of motherhood.
What is mom guilt?
Mom guilt isn’t just a fleeting feeling—it’s a constant, nagging weight so many of us carry. It shows up in the quiet moments when you second-guess your choices. Or in the loud ones when outside voices make you question if you’re doing enough.
For centuries, society has painted a picture of what a “good mom” looks like: selfless, nurturing, patient, endlessly giving. She keeps the house spotless, the kids entertained and enriched, only lets them eat healthiest things and whips up the occasional gourmet treat, and somehow still has time to look put together. It’s an impossible standard, yet one we’re conditioned to strive for postpartum and beyond.
And then there’s the pressure we put on ourselves—the internal expectations that say to us, “If you don’t do it all, you’re failing.” It’s the guilt of taking time for yourself, the guilt of not loving every moment, the guilt of simply being human.
But the truth is, being a mom doesn’t mean meeting a set of societal expectations—it’s means showing up, in all your imperfections, and loving your family the best way you can. It’s time to challenge that guilt, let go of those unrealistic standards, and rewrite the narrative for ourselves and the next generation.
What causes mom guilt
Most mom guilt doesn’t come out of nowhere—it’s shaped by the pressures we face every day. From the expectations we place on ourselves to the messages we’re constantly bombarded with, it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re falling short. Here are a few reasons you might be feeling that all-too-familiar guilt.
High expectations of yourself
We’re often our own toughest critics, holding ourselves to impossible standards that no one could ever meet. These are a few ways these feelings of guilt can appear in your life:
- Feeling like you need to be “on” 24/7 for your child
- Believing you should handle everything without asking for help
- Worrying that taking time for yourself means you’re being selfish
- Striving to create a picture-perfect home, schedule, or routine
- Comparing yourself to an idealized version of what motherhood should look like
Working mom guilt
Balancing work and motherhood often feels like a no-win situation. When you’re at work, you might feel guilty for not being home spending time with your kids. And when you’re home, there’s pressure to be fully present, even if your to-do list is looming. It’s a constant juggling act, with the weight of providing for your family while also wanting to give your kids as much of yourself as possible.
And the factors here are endless—you might love your job but feel like your bandwidth has shifted, struggle with a lack of flexibility in your workplace, or even feel a pull to completely pivot your career path after becoming a mom. And mom guilt for daycare? That’s absolutely a contributing factor to the emotional tug-of-war many working moms feel—wondering if you’re making the right choice while also knowing it’s what works best for your family.
Social media and comparison
Oof, this one’s a biggie. Social media can take mom guilt to a whole new level. And as someone who shows up on social channels as part of their business, I know firsthand how much effort goes into what's shared. It’s so easy to scroll through a grid of happy families, spotless homes, and see all the things that keep you feeling like you’re falling short. But remember, comparison is the thief of joy—and what you’re seeing is only a highlight reel, not the full story.
Mom guilt and mental health
Mom guilt doesn’t just sit quietly in the background—it seeps into your thoughts, your emotions, and even how you show up every day. Over time, it can take a real toll on your mental health, leaving you feeling drained, anxious, or stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. To overcome mom guilt, it’s important to understand how it impacts your own thoughts and what you can do to break free.
How mom guilt impacts mental well-being
Motherhood guilt can feel relentless, so it’s no wonder it takes a toll. Here are some mom guilt examples that might hit close to home:
- Second-guessing almost every parenting decision, from what your baby eats to how bedtime is going to how much screen time they get.
- Feeling like you’re failing at work, home, and with getting personal time.
- Struggling to enjoy a break or a moment of self care because you can’t shake the guilt of “not doing enough.”
- Scrolling through social media and wondering why everyone else seems to have it all figured out.
- Worrying constantly about your child, even when you know deep down they’re okay.
Excessive worry about your child’s well-being
It’s natural to worry about your child—you love them more than anything, and their well-being is always on your mind. But sometimes that worry goes into overdrive, leaving you feeling anxious and exhausted.
Maybe you second-guess decisions, like whether they’re warm enough, eating enough, or hitting milestones “on time.” Or you lie awake at night replaying every little moment of the day, wondering if you could’ve done something better.
The truth is, this kind of constant worry doesn’t make you a better mom—it just drains your energy and joy. Trust yourself and your intuition. You’re doing so much more than you realize. And remember, kids are resilient, and so are you.
When you feel that worry creeping in, try grounding yourself with facts: Is your child healthy, safe, and loved? That’s what matters most. Take a deep breath (or five) and give yourself permission to let go of what you can’t control. This is honestly one of the best gifts you can give yourself as a mom—and give your little one too.
The toll on self-esteem and confidence
Mom guilt can chip away at your confidence, leaving you questioning your abilities on a constant loop. Over time, it can start to feel like no matter what you do, it’s never quite enough. And that can take a serious toll on your self-esteem.
Maybe you feel like you’re not measuring up to some invisible standard of “the perfect mom.” Or you compare yourself to other moms, wondering how they seem to balance everything with ease while you’re barely holding it together. (Spoiler alert—there’s no such thing as balance.) Those little doubts add up, making you forget all the amazing things you do every day.
Here’s the truth: confidence as a mom doesn’t come from doing it all—it comes from showing up, learning as you go, and loving your kids. Let go of the idea that mistakes mean failure. You’re growing right alongside your child, and that’s something to be proud of.
The next time those doubts creep in, remind yourself: you're a good parent and you’re doing a great job, even on the hard days.
How to manage mom guilt
Mom guilt can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.
The first step is recognizing it for what it is—a voice in your head, not a truth about who you are as a mom. By taking small, intentional steps, you can quiet that guilt and refocus on what really matters: your wellbeing and your family’s.
Let’s explore ways to start letting go.
Identify triggers
The next step to managing mom guilt is figuring out what’s causing it. Pay attention to the moments when those guilty feelings creep in—what’s happening, what’s being said, and how you’re reacting.
Maybe it’s the guilt of missing bedtime because of work, hiring a babysitter to go out for a dinner with your partner, scrolling through social media, or feeling like you’re not doing enough when you take time for yourself. Once you pinpoint these triggers, you can start to reframe them or make changes to how you respond.
So instead of immediately feeling like you're not a good enough mother for whatever the reason might be, you're saying things to yourself like, “I focused on quality time with my kids today. A date night will be good for everyone in the family.” Or, “My toddler is going to spend an hour with his dad this morning so I can have a little downtime. Then I'll meet them at the park and feel more refreshed and present.”
Awareness is key—it gives you the power to move past the guilt and focus on what truly matters.
Let go of expectations
We all carry around a mental list of what we think a “good mom” should be. But the truth is, those expectations are often impossible to meet. Letting go of those shoulds and focusing on what works for you and your family is honestly so freeing.
Give yourself permission to drop the pressure. It's unrealistic to love every moment or to meet some societal ideal of motherhood. There’s no one right way to do this—you’re allowed to rewrite the rules and define what being a great mom means to you.
Practice self-compassion
Why is it that being kind to others is a priority but being kind to yourself can be such a challenge? It’s one of the best ways to quiet mom guilt and protect your mental well being. Here are a few ways to build some self compassion into your day:
- Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. When guilt creeps in, ask yourself if you’d say those same harsh words to someone you love. Chances are that’d be a hard no.
- Celebrate small wins. Did you make it through a tough day? Pack lunches? Get everyone out the door on time? Acknowledge those moments—they matter.
- Set realistic expectations. It’s okay to adjust your standards. Not everything has to get done, and that’s perfectly fine.
- Take breaks without guilt. A 10-minute walk, a quiet cup of coffee, or even scrolling your phone—recharging makes you a better parent.
- Remember that motherhood is a journey. Not one person has it all figured out, and mistakes are part of the process. Be patient with yourself.
Little by little, practicing some self compassion can help you let go of guilt and feel more confident in the amazing job you’re already doing.
Lean on your community
Motherhood isn’t meant to be done alone. Leaning on your community can provide the support, encouragement, and perspective you need to work through mom guilt and everything else that comes with raising kids. Here are some meaningful ways to connect:
- Create a mom group text. Share wins, vent about tough days, or ask for advice. Sometimes just knowing someone gets it makes all the difference.
- Swap childcare with a friend. Take turns watching each other’s kids for a few hours so you can both enjoy some time to yourself.
- Say yes when someone offers help. Whether it’s a meal, babysitting, helping to fold laundry, or just a listening ear, let people be there for you.
- Engage with your digital community. Follow supportive, real accounts on social media that remind you you’re not alone—and unfollow anything that brings on guilt or comparison.
- Be honest about what you need. Whether it’s with your partner, family, or friends, let them know how they can best support you.
Leaning on others doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re wise enough to know you don’t have to do this alone.
Seek professional help
Sometimes, mom guilt can feel too heavy to manage on your own. A therapist, counselor, or support group can provide tools and guidance to help you work through those feelings and prioritize your mental health. Reaching out for help when you need it is a powerful step toward being the healthiest, happiest version of yourself for you and your family.
Mindset shifts for a happier you
Letting go of mom guilt often starts with reframing how you think about yourself, your role, and your worth. By making small mindset shifts, you can focus less on unrealistic expectations and more on what truly brings you joy and balance in motherhood. These shifts won’t happen overnight, but with time, they can help you embrace a lighter, happier perspective.
Prioritizing self-care is not selfish
Say it louder for the moms in the back: self-care is 👏 not 👏 selfish 👏! Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to show up fully for yourself and your family—and it’s something every mom deserves, no matter how full life feels.
Self-care is about filling your own cup—not checking things off your to-do list. So think about ways you’d like to recharge. Jump over to this blog for 20 self-care practices and my insights for making them a part of your daily routine. And here are a few go-to ideas for me and my circle of mom friends:
- Spend some time outside. Take a solo walk or hike in nature—bonus points for leaving your phone behind.
- Set aside time to read a book or watch a show you’ve been meaning to dive into.
- Schedule an hour for a creative hobby like painting, journaling, or baking just for fun.
- Have a night out (or in!) with friends who make you feel like yourself again.
- Do an at-home workout or meditation session.
- Block time on your calendar for absolutely nothing but rest.
There's no such thing as perfect
The idea of the “perfect mom” is a myth—and chasing it will only leave you feeling exhausted and defeated. Motherhood is messy (endless berry stains, am I right?), unpredictable (weekend plans nixed because a cold has made the rounds again?), and full of moments that don’t look anything like the highlight reels we see (managing tantrums while reheating your coffee for the third time all before 7 am). The good news? You don’t need to be perfect to be an amazing mom.
If you need a few ways to reconnect with reality and let go of perfection:
- Focus on progress—those small wins are where it’s at, even if the day wasn’t flawless.
- Practice gratitude for the moments that go well instead of dwelling on what didn’t.
- Remind yourself that social media is a curated version of life, not the whole picture.
- Talk to other moms—it’s often eye-opening to realize everyone is figuring it out as they go.
Recognizing your worth beyond motherhood
You were a whole person before you became a mom—with dreams, passions, and a life uniquely your own. Becoming a mom is inarguably life-changing and incredibly important, but it doesn’t erase the person you were or the one you’re still becoming. You’re allowed to be a mom and pursue your own goals, take up space, and nurture your identity outside of parenting.
Motherhood is one part of your story, but it’s not the whole book. And embracing all the pieces of who you are makes you an even stronger, more fulfilled mom.
The New Modern Mom community continues to grow and be such an incredible place for moms. So be sure to sign up for the New Modern Mom newsletter! It’s packed with all things motherhood—things like helpful tips, product recs, and inspiration to support you in every season of motherhood. You won’t want to miss it.
Author
