Overcoming Working Mom Burnout, An Expert Weighs In

Expert reviewed by Lauren Hays PMHNP, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and Co-founder of The Matrescence®

I don't know about you, but I've been feeling burnt out. Between planning summer travel, juggling deadlines, managing my team at work, and keeping up with all the chores at home, I’m at the brink of mental exhaustion. Despite investing in good time management strategies, I'm feeling constantly behind or like I'm dropping the ball which isn't sustainable for my mental or physical health.

I want to set a positive example as a working mother for my kids and be more present for them. Since many moms experience similar challenges, I'm turning to Lauren Hays, PMHNP, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and Co-founder of The Matrescence®, an expert in women's mental health, for practical solutions to overcome burnout as a working mom.

Common causes of burnout for working moms

Most often, mom burnout happens when moms are juggling countless responsibilities at home and work. Lauren points out that the lack of support and downtime exacerbates feelings of burnout, leading to emotional strain as moms try to fulfill everyone's needs. “Our society has continued to support the narrative that we can do it all and do it all well. Trying to live up to a standard that we cannot meet or where we feel we are constantly dropping balls in one area or another leaves many moms feeling inadequate,” Lauren explained.

Unfortunately, feelings of burnout can have a detrimental impact on our health. Lauren explains that without intentional breaks to alleviate stress, our sympathetic nervous system becomes activated, which can significantly affect our overall health and well-being. This prolonged stress can lead to a variety of issues, not just burnout, but also physical and mental health disorders if not properly addressed.

Signs and symptoms of burnout

There are several signs that indicate working mom burnout. Lauren highlights a few physical and emotions symptoms to watch for if you're experiencing burnout:

Physical signs of burnout:

1. Chronic fatigue: Persistent exhaustion that does not improve with sleep or rest. You may feel Chronic fatigue: You may experience persistent exhaustion that doesn't improve with sleep or rest. Simple tasks like folding laundry or making lunches can leave you feeling drained.
2. Recurring illnesses: Burnout places significant stress on the body, weakening the immune system and making you more prone to colds, infections, and other illnesses. You might find yourself getting sick more frequently and taking longer to recover.
3. Poor sleep: Symptoms may include insomnia, difficulty falling asleep, frequent awakenings during the night, or waking up feeling unrefreshed. Inadequate and unrestorative sleep can worsen both mental and physical health issues.
4. Headaches and muscle aches: Stress often leads to tension headaches and muscle pain. Many women experience jaw pain, known as TMJ, which can result from teeth grinding at night and chronic stress causing jaw clenching. Some may carry stress in their shoulders, hunching them, and feel tension throughout their body.
5. Appetite changes: Stress can affect eating habits differently for everyone. Some people may lose their appetite and eat less, while others might turn to overeating as a way to cope with stress.

Emotional signs of burnout

1. Irritability and mood swings: Have you ever found yourself getting irritated or frustrated over little things that normally wouldn't bother you (hi, it me!)? You might snap or explode over minor issues, only to feel guilty afterward for reacting in a way that doesn't align with how you want to respond. 
2. Feelings of detachment: It's common to experience emotional numbness and a sense of detachment from family, friends, and work during burnout. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as you may find yourself disconnected from the people and activities that used to bring you joy. I’ve definitely felt my fair share of loneliness in motherhood.
3. Decreased job satisfaction: Burnout often results in a lack of motivation and fulfillment in your job. Tasks that once felt rewarding may now seem meaningless, and finding joy in your work can become a challenge..
4. Difficulty concentrating: Known as “brain fog” or “mom brain,” this occurs when the sheer volume of tasks overwhelms your ability to focus and make decisions. You may experience forgetfulness, struggle to stay attentive, and find it difficult to complete tasks that require sustained mental effort. Many mothers describe feeling “analysis paralysis,” where the multitude of tasks and responsibilities can make it feel impossible to make progress on any of them.
5. Withdrawal from social activities: As burnout takes its toll, you might find yourself pulling away from social interactions, avoiding friends, family, and social gatherings. This can worsen feelings of loneliness and depression, making recovery even more challenging. Maintaining social connections is crucial for both our mental and physical well-being

What’s the connection between mom burnout and postpartum rage or depression?

They are closely linked because burnout can exacerbate postpartum depression or anger. Similarly, if you are already experiencing perinatal mood disorders, they can intensify working mom burnout. Lauren outlines three ways that postpartum mood challenges and burnout can affect your resilience:

1. Exacerbated emotional strain: Postpartum rage and depression can heighten emotional stress, making it challenging to manage the demands of both work and home. Everyday tasks may feel overwhelming, and your patience may wear thin.
2. Decreased productivity and focus: Postpartum rage and depression can result in reduced cognitive function and difficulty focusing, which can directly affect job performance. This often increases feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
3. Increased isolation: Perinatal mood disorders can make you feel isolated or misunderstood, exacerbating feelings of burnout as you may feel like you’re in it alone.

Recognizing signs of depression, severe anxiety, or any perinatal mood disorder early is super important. There are numerous resources available to offer support and professional help. Reach out to professionals specializing in maternal mental health, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists experienced in postpartum and family care. They can provide guidance and develop personalized treatment plans suited to your individual needs. Don't hesitate to seek the support you deserve.

Practical strategies for managing burnout

Finding effective ways to cope and manage stress is crucial for handling working mom burnout. While many responsibilities like caring for your children and meeting work deadlines are essential, how you approach managing them can make a significant difference. Here are some practical ideas to help you manage it all:

Prioritize self-care

Self-care means something different to everyone. Consider fitting in a yoga class, enjoying grocery shopping alone, listening to a podcast in peace or treating yourself to a facial, or getting dressed in an outfit you feel confident in. Discover what brings you happiness and rejuvenates you in your personal time. By filling your own bucket, you'll feel refreshed and energized when it's time to tackle your responsibilities again.

Set realistic goals

Our society often promotes the idea that we can do it all. While having it all is possible, doing it all is a different story. Set achievable goals for both your personal and professional life. To bridge any gaps, consider seeking support from friends, family, or even hiring a support system like a house manager or virtual assistant for tasks that bog you down.

Establish boundaries

Create clear boundaries between your family and work life. This separation helps you prioritize effectively and fosters clearer communication. Establishing boundaries not only benefits you but also aids those who rely on you to understand your additional responsibilities and commitments.

Hydrate and prioritize nutrition

Taking care of your body is crucial for reducing stress and enhancing your mood. Sure a glass of wine is a great way to end the day, but ensure you stay hydrated and focus on eating nutrient-dense foods to maintain stable energy levels throughout the day.

Mindfulness techniques

Download a meditation app that can walk you through deep breathing exercises, calming music, or guided meditations to center your mind, reduce stress and improve relaxation. 

Doing it all

While I believe in the idea of having a fulfilling life, I don't buy into the myth of doing it all – its a concept based on unrealistic expectations. Lauren explains, “Doing it all is a myth and the supermom mentality that we all hold ourselves accountable to can lead to unnecessary stress and burnout.” We're not superheroes, and it's impossible to manage everything all the time.

Instead of striving for perfect balance, focus on what really counts and consider delegating tasks when needed. Of course this is difficult if you are like me with perfectionist tendencies. Give a listen to Ashley Grech, the CRO of Xero, on The New Modern Mom Podcast. She shares some great frameworks on how to delegate your work despite feeling like it won't be as good as you would do it.

The 411 on mom guilt 

Even though I know it's okay to ask for help, and have accepted a ton of support, I constantly feel guilty when I’m not the one doing something for my kids. I really struggle not to feel guilty. But in reality, I feel guilty if I’m doing anything that takes my attention away from my kids, even while I’m the one taking care of him. On the flip side, I also feel guilty on those days when I get nothing done when I’m in charge of childcare. It’s a never ending cycle of guilt. 

Lauren recommends overcoming mom guilt by reframing your mindset. Recognize that being a good mom doesn't mean being perfect. She advises, “Celebrate small victories and remind yourself that taking care of your own needs makes you a better caregiver. Practicing self-compassion and seeking support from other moms can also help. There are a million ways to be a ‘good mom.’”

Tips for building a supportive community 

It really takes a village to raise a child. Your village can be your family, but it could also be your friends, neighbors, peers you meet at the playground or at school, or even your work friends. Find your support network for your motherhood journey, and those that can share all the highs and lows of parenting.  

Lauren suggests joining online mom groups to share your experience with working mom burnout and offer advice. The key is to have trustworthy people around you. Find those you can open up and ask for help without feeling guilty. In turn, you'll be there to reciprocate their support when needed. “That's why we created The Matrescence app and community—a safe space for moms to connect and share their challenges openly,” Lauren shares.  Outside of 1:1 connections, you can also find resources and personal experiences shared on other working mom blogs.

–

As a former NICU nurse, Lauren professionally and personally recognized the gaps in care for women. She now focuses on mental health and is a board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. She is a mom of three precious little men and has turned her pain into passion by co-founding The Matrescence®

The Matrescence app and community is a safe space for moms to connect and share their challenges openly. Our community is designed to walk alongside you, offering support during those late-night feeds, pumping sessions at work, and any moment when you feel the need for connection.

Author